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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  The Turd Monster Strikes Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Turd Monster Strikes  (currently 1212 views)
Don
Posted: July 20th, 2016, 5:20pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Turd Monster Strikes by Stuart Palace - Short, Comedy - A slimeball feels the wrath of the Turd Monster.  2 pages - pdf, format


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Warren
Posted: July 20th, 2016, 7:14pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


A man who has taught his mind to misbehave

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Written well enough but it ends there for me on this one.

Didn’t really enjoy this at all. Definitely not my kind of humour.

You forgot to FADE OUT.


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DustinBowcot
Posted: July 21st, 2016, 6:58am Report to Moderator
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Written well, but just about a load of shit. I imagine that on film this would turn most stomachs and after watching would spend the rest of their lives wishing they hadn't.
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nawazm11
Posted: July 21st, 2016, 9:33am Report to Moderator
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Oh, man, absolutely hideous and perfect, where's part two?
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: July 21st, 2016, 10:19am Report to Moderator
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This isn't a pisser, it's a shitter!


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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BenL
Posted: July 21st, 2016, 10:23am Report to Moderator
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That's supposed to be comedy? Wow...
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SteveC
Posted: July 21st, 2016, 12:57pm Report to Moderator
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What a shitty script! Derp!
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: July 21st, 2016, 3:50pm Report to Moderator
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Excellent...two pages, wait, actually one. Even better, and if I may say, a decent challenge. Can you write a story in a page, that leaves an emotional impression?

This didn't.

Fat guy has a shit, is horrible and disdainful, but out of the blue a weird creature, we have never met or seen, or have a connection to, then appears to kill him. The end.

To me this needs the sense of irony. Beyond a creature out the toilet.

I'll give an example. On the wrapper could be a mystical creature. He looks. Thinks. Then wipes his ass on it.

The creature then arises.

All the best





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Wes
Posted: July 21st, 2016, 5:16pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the images I never wanted.
Between "sellotape" and "tuts" I figure you're from the U.K.
Didn't get any more out of the thing than that. Well, and the images I didn't want.


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StuartP
Posted: July 24th, 2016, 8:35pm Report to Moderator
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Thank you for reading and dropping off your thoughts, much appreciated
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Cameron
Posted: July 26th, 2016, 9:21am Report to Moderator
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Not too bad considering it's all on one page, I'd have put a bit more description into the turd monster, but then again I laughed when I read "A GIANT TURD MONSTER bursts up from the toilet", extending this out might not actually have the same humorous impact.

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BSaunders
Posted: July 26th, 2016, 5:10pm Report to Moderator
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This is fucking awesome. Thanks for the lols
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albinopenguin
Posted: July 27th, 2016, 7:48pm Report to Moderator
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I got dipping sticks.

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First off, one pagers are incredibly difficult. I would congrat you on writing a one page story but this isn't a story. I get what you were trying to do, but you could have pushed the envelope even further. I love poop jokes. But there were no jokes in this script.

A few spelling/formatting errors here and there. Other than that, it was fine from a technical standpoint.

All in all, give me more. This isn't original or funny in the least bit. And that's really hard to do considering this script centers around poop.


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