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Written well, but just about a load of shit. I imagine that on film this would turn most stomachs and after watching would spend the rest of their lives wishing they hadn't.
Excellent...two pages, wait, actually one. Even better, and if I may say, a decent challenge. Can you write a story in a page, that leaves an emotional impression?
This didn't.
Fat guy has a shit, is horrible and disdainful, but out of the blue a weird creature, we have never met or seen, or have a connection to, then appears to kill him. The end.
To me this needs the sense of irony. Beyond a creature out the toilet.
I'll give an example. On the wrapper could be a mystical creature. He looks. Thinks. Then wipes his ass on it.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Thanks for the images I never wanted. Between "sellotape" and "tuts" I figure you're from the U.K. Didn't get any more out of the thing than that. Well, and the images I didn't want.
Not too bad considering it's all on one page, I'd have put a bit more description into the turd monster, but then again I laughed when I read "A GIANT TURD MONSTER bursts up from the toilet", extending this out might not actually have the same humorous impact.
First off, one pagers are incredibly difficult. I would congrat you on writing a one page story but this isn't a story. I get what you were trying to do, but you could have pushed the envelope even further. I love poop jokes. But there were no jokes in this script.
A few spelling/formatting errors here and there. Other than that, it was fine from a technical standpoint.
All in all, give me more. This isn't original or funny in the least bit. And that's really hard to do considering this script centers around poop.