SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 4:19am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    August 2016 One Week Challenge  ›  Taxi Joe - OWC
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2, 3 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Taxi Joe - OWC  (currently 3612 views)
Don
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 8:37am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Taxi Joe by 0 - Short, Horror, Found Footage - Two amateur documentary film makers get more than they paid for when they interview Joe, a homeless man who lives in a taxi in the woods. - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Scar Tissue Films
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 12:21pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Posts
3382
Posts Per Day
0.63
A very simple slasher script, that works as far as it goes.

Nice to see a story that's essentially outside of a taxi.

I do actually like the central premise, and think it could be expanded into a decent found footage movie.

It's too short, and does too little to be one of the scripts I would say is one of the best in the OWC, but if I was going to make a feature out of any of the entries I'd read, it would be this one.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 41
Zack
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 12:32pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Erlanger, KY
Posts
4487
Posts Per Day
0.69
I liked this one a lot and could totally see this working as a feature. Very well paced and crisply written. Very easy to see this in my head. I hope you consider expanding this.

Good work.

~Zack~

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Zack  -  August 13th, 2016, 1:31pm
Logged
Private Message Reply: 2 - 41
stevemiles
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 2:08pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Posts
745
Posts Per Day
0.16

Simple idea with plenty of potential.  Title worked to pull me in.  Put me in mind of Cowboy Sam...

I like the found footage approach -- minor issue is there’s no suggestion as to who found it.  

Could work okay on screen, nasty visual with the hiker in the trunk.  No real surprises here -- feels like you could’ve done more with the idea to flesh it out a little more.  

If you decide to rewrite then think about the logic.  The idea suggests Taxi Joe’s done this before, killing hikers/snoopers that is.  But if people know about him, then how come no-ones put two and two together?

Short, brutal and to the point.  Disappointed it didn’t creep me out as much as it could have.


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 3 - 41
Dreamscale
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 2:52pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Well...I'm surprised to say that this is actually quite good.  Pretty well written, too.

Short and sweet, but maybe a little too short, as a little more would surely add to the tension, which is oddly lacking.

Found footage scripts are tough to write and this ain't half bad, but there are instances where it doesn't quite work for me, in terms of what we're seeing.

The only real problem for me is that this doesn't adhere to the challenge.  Sure, a woman is "trapped in a cab", and in the end, so is Becca, but that's not what this script is about...at all.  So...I have to say, although good, this won't cut it.

I'd suggest adding a few pages to this.  It would really help, as we need some time to really care about our 2 Protags...get to know them a bit.  We also could use some added time in the finale, which just passes too quickly.

As a free standing script, I'll give you a strong B, as written, but in terms of this OWC, I can't give a grade over a D, as it just doesn't follow the challenge, IMO.

Good effort, though.  I like it.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 4 - 41
CindyLKeller
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 3:01pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1467
Posts Per Day
0.20
Creepy and nice. I absolutely agree with the others that it should be a feature.
I would love to read it.

Congrats,
Cindy


Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 41
AnthonyCawood
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 3:41pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
UK
Posts
4319
Posts Per Day
1.14
First one of this OWC that i dont think conforms to the challenge BUT...

It is well written and I liked the setup, I normally detest found footage but could see this working effectively.

Good effort.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 6 - 41
Cameron
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 3:53pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



It's well written but completely misses the point of the challenge. There's a taxi, but they're not stuck in it until the very end,  so for me it's not eligible for consideration.

Outside of the challenge you should definitely take it forward, it is good work, but just doesn't adhere to the rules
Logged
e-mail Reply: 7 - 41
Scar Tissue Films
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 4:02pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Posts
3382
Posts Per Day
0.63
They didn't have to be stuck in the taxi the whole time.

That was left up to the writer.

All the scripts I've read conformed to the rules.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 41
Dreamscale
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 4:30pm Report to Moderator
Guest User




Quoted from Scar Tissue Films
They didn't have to be stuck in the taxi the whole time.

That was left up to the writer.

All the scripts I've read conformed to the rules.


Is this yours, my friend?  

"They", or anyone didn't have to be stuck the whole time, but that was the theme of the challenge - the only constraint that was given, really.

This script did not have this as its theme at all.

If the challenge stated a taxi, or the like must be included as a central idea or character, then, yeah, this works.  But, for me at least, in no way did this meet the challenge as stated.

Logged
e-mail Reply: 9 - 41
Scar Tissue Films
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 4:38pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Posts
3382
Posts Per Day
0.63
Not mine.

Don said it was up to the writer to interpret trapped in a taxi and specifically said the whole thing didnt have to be set in a taxi.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 41
Dreamscale
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 4:48pm Report to Moderator
Guest User




Quoted from Scar Tissue Films
Not mine.

Don said it was up to the writer to interpret trapped in a taxi and specifically said the whole thing didn't have to be set in a taxi.


I agree, but again, that was the only parameter given, so...IMO, at least, it should be met.  But then again, I didn't enter...or did I?

BWOOHAHA!!!!!!!  
Logged
e-mail Reply: 11 - 41
wonkavite
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 4:59pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Neat concept – making the taxi a junk heap, vs. a working car.
I do agree this one played a bit fast and loose with the "trapped" parameters - but not so much that it can't be argued to have met them.

Two small typos

p. 1: Large enough (de-cap “L”)
p. 3: transferred

My thoughts: good story concept overall… though I was hoping for more of a twist, vs. the straightforwardly brutal way it ended… And yes, this probably could be a good, nasty horror feature, ala Texas Chainsaw...  

Logged
e-mail Reply: 12 - 41
Cameron
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 5:28pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Scar Tissue, no idea where you're getting my interpretation as being for the entire duration of the piece from.

In this script, the trapped in a taxi theme is limited to a couple of lines, therefore I don't think it meets the initial brief. The fact that being trapped in a taxi is the theme of the challenge, this should play a large part of a script, here it does not.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 13 - 41
EWall433
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 9:11pm Report to Moderator
New



Posts
423
Posts Per Day
0.11
This was well-written, but maybe a little too straightforward. It felt like everything that mattered could've fit into one scene. Some kids go looking for a homeless guy who lives in a taxi in the woods, and suffer the exact fate you would expect to befall you if you discovered a homeless guy living in a taxi in the woods. Some of the character actions really had me wondering.

I didn't see a compelling reason for the kids to go looking for this dude. And did Reggie say, “I bet he's taking a piss. I'll go find him” in the dark? That cat WANTS to die. Maybe these are stupid character horror tropes, but I'm sure you can do better on the rewrite.

As for the criteria question, the whole trapped in a taxi thing did feel tacked on to me. Maybe if they'd notice the hiker during the first visit, then returned later to free her, I could buy it being a key part of the story. I think the story would've had a little more direction in that case as well.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 14 - 41
 Pages: 1, 2, 3 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    August 2016 One Week Challenge  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006