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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    August 2016 One Week Challenge  ›  Fair's Fare - OWC
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SimplyScripts
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 8:40am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Fair's Fare by Steven Clark writing as Phil DeGraves - Short, Comedy - An unsavory mechanic cuts a corner that won't cost him his life but, by golly, he just might wish it had.  9 pages - pdf, format


Visit http://www.simplyscripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
SimplyScripts  -  August 31st, 2016, 4:49pm
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CindyLKeller
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 10:40am Report to Moderator
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Fiirst off, congrats on completing the challenge.

SPOILERS

Def a new up to date take on the old  Christine.
The  mechanice got what he deserved.

Scene heading for EXT. TAXI  bothered me.
He's already heading across the parking lot. You could have used a mini-slug. Just plain old TAXI.

Other than that, nothing bad to say.
Congrats,
Cindy


Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 106 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
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Hunter
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 12:45pm Report to Moderator
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Well, that was an interesting one. Definitely funny, and a nice little moral to the story there.


I would love feedback on any of these!
Back to Class: http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1453330945/ (comedy series, RECENTLY UPDATED DEC. '16)
Cause & Effect: http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1472594865/ (comedy-drama series)
Waking Up: http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1452376264/ (comedy series)
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 4:29pm Report to Moderator
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Liked this and well written... felt that some of it went over a line, but that's probably just my line

Good effort.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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irish eyes
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 4:43pm Report to Moderator
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There`s too much blood in my alcohol

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Funny in places and well written.

Enough mechanic innuendos to keep it going lol

It's a nice change from all the murder in a taxi scripts and a great use of the smartphone... it REALLY resonates with the 'now' 21st century feel

Good job on entering and remember to read other scripts.


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stevemiles
Posted: August 14th, 2016, 6:32am Report to Moderator
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Well, different…  

A fast eight pages and a unique take on the challenge which is no bad thing.  If I had one suggestion I’d switch the smart-phone to something that connects more to the vehicle itself -- like an onboard computer or the like -- as the phone feels a touch removed.  Pretty gross but entertaining.  


My short scripts can be found here:


http://www.sjmilesscripts.webs.com
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nawazm11
Posted: August 14th, 2016, 7:00am Report to Moderator
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Well, ahem, uhh... You know, this wasn't too bad -- funny, outrageous, disgusting, a nice rounded story. I quite liked it, which probably says more about me than the actual script.
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StevenClark
Posted: August 14th, 2016, 2:31pm Report to Moderator
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Writer,

Not a bad entry at all. Well written, quick pace. Didn't take up much time and got to the point. Even had a bit of a message in between all the grossness. Only nitpick is it felt like it might've been rushed in places, but I'll chalk that up to time limitation. I feel with a little more effort you can tidy this up and make it shine. Easy to film too.  Still, one of the better entries so far. Everyone got what they deserved. Good job!

Steve


Fair's Fare
An unsavory mechanic takes a shortcut that may not cost him his life but, by golly, he just might wish it had.
http://www.dropbox.com/s/3o0108q746tld5q/FAIRSFARE.pdf?dl=0
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khamanna
Posted: August 14th, 2016, 4:39pm Report to Moderator
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This is a very nice story. Well told to.

There's a point to this and you managed to get the message across. Great job.
I kind of wished she told Guy she was Becky, then the name of the taxi came up in conversation with Floyd.

I liked the last line too - funny.

Great job.
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wonkavite
Posted: August 14th, 2016, 5:24pm Report to Moderator
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Dag, I love this one!  Cheeky, funny, well written - and just the *right* amount of innuendo - without it being forced.  So far, one of my top OWC submissions!  )
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: August 15th, 2016, 2:33am Report to Moderator
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The first one I've read of this OWC and I really like it. It's a bit OTT in parts but nothing to worry about. A horny version of Christine!

The title is a fantastic reflection of the story. There's some great descriptions in there, I particularly like, "She unzips the top of her overalls, revealing two swelling wonders tucked into a tight blue bikini top."

It's a nice all round story with a good beginning, middle and end. That's really tough to pull off in a OWC so top marks from me on this.

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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Stumpzian
Posted: August 15th, 2016, 11:07am Report to Moderator
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This one clicks on all cylinders. Topnotch.

Henry



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Cam Gray
Posted: August 15th, 2016, 12:41pm Report to Moderator
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This one's an absolute pisser. Good solid writing and a completely out there turn on the original theme of the challenge. I never thought of a dildo when writing mine, I still can't believe I've read one of these with a dildo in it but hey, it's there!

Had me laughing, great visualisations and really creative. Good work.


Tommy's Millions - https://tinyurl.com/lgugbvz
Dick Jokes - http://tiny.cc/qw0cay
Mother Nature's Joke - https://tinyurl.com/mncf7am
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DustinBowcot
Posted: August 15th, 2016, 3:27pm Report to Moderator
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I found the writing a little bland to begin with... but it picked up. I like this because it's fresh and I can see it doing well at festivals. Don't give it away to just anyone, make sure they can do it justice. Good luck.

A rec.
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stevie
Posted: August 15th, 2016, 3:49pm Report to Moderator
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For some astonishing reason this well written piece of comedy didn't do much for me lol.

Great idea and concept but I read it - didn't laugh - nodded my head and that was it!

Sorry to be a party pooper - Pass


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