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Well, I wasn't too excited about the opening and the whole idea, but it was a very entertaining read full of exciting turns and twists and wonderful characters.
I think you could work on Anna and Adam a bit more and perfect their lines maybe. You made sound the whole thing very believable and it must be very hard - especially with unbelievable idea like that. Great job.
This is going to be a good OWC - another solid script, IMO.
Really enjoyed this one with just one issue. Lose the 9-1-1 call-up front. You can have the threat of one - but not the actual conversation. It is unbelievable - doesn't do anything to further the story and wastes space that could be spent on Adam and Anna.
The rest - including the ending I thought was very solid. The writer did a great job in expressing the characters traits and values in just a very few pages.
Hmm in two minds about this. It has a really good premise and is set up nicely for some good comedy. And it starts really well and it is funny.
But, I dunno, it tries to become something more, a little too quirky mixed with dark humor, and it doesn't end quite working for me. Needs to be just straight up full on comedy instead of trying to be cool, but thats just MO.
The ending didn't work for me... but it's an ending that works as a whole. The story is good. I'm just not sure how it should end. Perhaps you had the same problem.
Thank God he punched him in the nose at the end, would have been a saccharine ending otherwise, and the rock throwing is a nice touch tbat tops it off.
Another very inventive take on the Trapped challenge. Sarcastic, biting humour that reminds me of Janine Garofolo.
Took a little while to get into the swing but tben you had me hooked. I enjjoyed this a lot.
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I really enjoyed this, for many reasons, and it's for sure worthy of some screen time. At times I thought the dialogue was preachy, but as long as that was reciprocated by the other character it seemed to work. Also, I liked how their dialogue (with an expectation of conflict) was the opposite of how the character responds. And it's all pretty hilarious. Great work!
Anna felt a little forced to me, Adam less so and the name similarity had me double checking who's dialogue it was a couple of times... oh and hated Zaine - but figure I'm supposed to.
But overall it read well and despite my tin ear for comedy I thought this was pretty fun.
Can’t say the title and log-line grabbed me but I was pleasantly surprised with this. I could see the quick back and forth working well -- particularly with Zaine interrupting every so often to change it up. Wondered how you were going to ‘get out’ so speak and it all wrapped up nicely. Simple idea, fun dialogue, all well played.
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Quick and funny. The 911 call should probably go -- stretches credibility and worse, isn't particularly funny. The sooner Anna gets in, the better.
Adam telling his whole Batman story didn't seem quite earned...that's the one moment where the accelerated romance really seemed like too much. Maybe Anna could be more competitive with him about it, instead of shutting down, and give him a more overt motivation? I dunno, that's the one other beat that didn't quite work for me.
Solid little comedy, though, and it's buttoned with the punch we've been wanting the entire time. Good stuff.
Don’t like Zaine instantly off his first line of dialogue. Might be a good thing in the end.
Adam was tense from jump, but he is really quick to call the cops, no? Seems rushed. Not getting enough perceived backstory from the first couple pages to justify it. It’s a short though, some things get rushed.
Anna/Adam – 4 letter names starting with A. It’s a 101 type note, but they could get jumbled up easily.
So the whiff of death causes these 2 nutjobs to fall in love. Who forced them into the cab in the first place? I houldn’t care, but I do. You explain who set it up, but they’re so against it, why the heck did they even get in the cab in the first place?
I don’t know. I don’t think the writing is bad, it’s rushed, but it’s not bad. No one is likeable in this story, but that’s not a big deal. Not sure I love the premise to be perfectly honest. It’s creative, I’ll give you credit for that, but not one of my favorites.
I appreciate that you went the comedy route though.
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Why have your characters named Adam and Anna? 4 letters each, both starting with A.
The 911 call was dumb.
So, a near death experience makes them fall in love?? How??
I was lost at the end. How does it go from nearly hitting a wall into a thin alley?
He was certainly trapped, as was Anna, so, you did the challenge. So far, it's the best one I've read, but, that's not really saying much. At this point.
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