You start the script on the title page. Not good.
You write your slugs as:
SCENE 1 BAR - DAY
It should be "INT." or "EXT. BAR (or whatever location) - DAY" or "NIGHT"
Never number your scenes in a spec.
Shouldn't John Dalton be the deceased character rather than Garrett, seeing as Patrick Swayze is gone. but Sam Elliot is still alive and can get butts in seats if this were to ever get made.
On that note, the original Road House (that's two words) ha(s/d) a poor reputation, mixed-to-negative reviews, was not a huge box office success, but has become a cult classic over time. Is it really enough for a sequel 27 years later? We're not talking about Tron, here.
Also, you didn't credit Lance Hill and Hilary Henkin for writing the original. Give credit where credit is due. That being said, do you even own the rights to Road House, to make a sequel? Now, I'm one to talk. I wrote a script for a Power Rangers reboot back in 2007-8. I've written lots of scripts for established intellectual properties that I didn't own the rights to. I didn't know better at the time, but this is normally not how to get a sequel, remake, reboot, or adaptation, etc., made. You don't reach out to them; they reach out to you. And you may not get the gig.
Just a few things to think about. Good luck with your writing career. |