By Its Cover by E.R. Komar - Short, Comedy - A man hits it off with a beautiful woman, but soon learns not to judge a book by its cover. - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

E,

Sorry,  this didn't work for me.   I felt like I was being told a long, bad joke.


Way too many:  He,She  actions.

The old lady ending was cute, but I have to pass on this one.

JJ

E,
what can I say...strange script. The ending is good. The action progression is quick but it could be written better.
Overall, a funny story.
Best of luck,
Fausto

So two strangers playing a "cat and mouse" game with unimaginable book titles.  First, their actions in the library would not be allowed.  If you had the Librarian there telling them to "Be quiet", or having the Librarian warn them about their antics, that would have made it somewhat better.

The back and forth game was rather annoying.  For the guy to stroke his water bottle and have it explode in a "fake orgasm" would clearly disrupt others who were in the library at the time as well as the Librarian.  For some reason I feel that character would be important in this script.

The old woman at the end wanting to read one of the girl's books...ok, I got it.

What would even be better is that after this guy feels that he actually has this woman in his imaginative grasp, he approaches her and just as he does her boyfriend walks in to pick her up.  He would just stand there with a bulge in his pants looking sad as the girl laughs and the boyfriend is contemplating on whether to laugh at the pathetic boy, or to kick his ass for making passes at his girlfriend.  Just another thought, that's all.

Ok.  Not bad, but something else needs to happen in this script.  Otherwise, not a bad effort.