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A young man on a VINTAGE BICYCLE stops in front of a comfortable middle class home.
The young man pulls out a folded piece of paper from his coat pocket.
This is RON, 17 years old, baby-faced, dressed ot the nines. He tucks the folded piece of paper back into his coat pocket.
He parks his bike and approaches the house. He rings the doorbell. And waits.
Why not just intro Ron from the get go. e.g.,
RON (17), baby-faced, dressed ot the nines, rides a VINTAGE BICYCLE. He stops in front of a comfortable middle class home.
Also - typo - ot should be to
THE DAD (to RON) Well, alright then, let's give her
You only have to CAP character names the first time they are intro'd. RON should be Ron
2. INT. SUBURBAN HOME, FOYER - CONTINUOUS
No need to number the scenes and you don't need CONTINUOUS here - it's obvious. Just put DAY
INT. SUBURBAN HOME, LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Good opportunity for a mini-slug. Could be:
They walk into the:
The living room is absolutely bursting with Christmas decorations. It's almost ridiculously perfect. RON takes in the room.
No need to repeat info already in your slug. This should be:
bursting with Christmas decorations. It's almost ridiculously perfect. RON takes in the room.
RON's still not over it. THE DAD shakes his head at himself, sorry he said anything at all.
Again - RON and DAD do not need CAPS - they are already intro'd. You make this error throughout.
QUICK CUT TO: ***. EXT. BASEBALL FIELD - DAY RON, playing third base, takes a sharp line drive off his mitt that ricochets into his chin. The runners on second and third advance. In the background, we can see the scoreboard change. The VISITORS have taken the lead in the 9th inning. We'll come back to this scene later. CUT BACK TO
You don't need the cut tos. This really should be a FLASHBACK and then BACK to scene and you don't need the - we will come back to this scene later.
I liked the twist, but I thought the dad could have a more shocked and dramatic reaction to finding out Ron is at the wrong house. Maybe your script took a bit too long to get going. I thought everyone in your script was acting too nice, but then I thought that's okay, as it's Christmas. However, as I think Ron is a nicer person than Michael, I think it would be a good idea for the dad to show his disappointment at seeing Michael.