Christmas Dinner by Richard Russell - Short, Drama - A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who leads him to a much needed Christmas Dinner. 7 apges - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Richard, great writing, great dialogue...easy to follow, cool story....

Hi Richard,
excellent story! Excellent dialogue! I wish you the best with it.
Fausto

Fantastic story, Richard! I loved this. It'll take some doing to get this made but it'd be worth it, I feel. You really capture a mood here - not so much the Christmas spirit, but a sense of belonging that can only be brought about by lonelinness. And the Christmas angle only serves to make it that much more powerful, more touching. Excellent job here!

Steve

Nice story Richard, heartwarming.

All the best,

JT

Been a while, Jayrex...
Welcome back.

Damn, that was good.

The dialogue between Roy and the waitress seems like someone who has actually spent time in these small diners in the middle of nowhere.

My ONLY critique, which is super minor, would be that Roy doesn't actually say "Damn fool forgot his bag."

Instead, write an action line where he notices the bag still on the seat. I've always had this thing about characters talking to themselves while no one else is around, ONLY to provide some exposition to the audience.

If he trips on the way out of the truck, and says "shit," well that's acceptable. But if he says "I'll gotta watch my footing," that's wrong.

But yea, really dug it.

All,

I'm glad you enjoyed the story.  This one came about because my sister said I never write a happy story.  It was kind of a challenge.  So, I guess it works.  My sister thanks you.

Best
Richard