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Some overly descriptive action lines almost right away. Remember... Show, don't tell.
Dialog is alright, but not as good as some of your other shorts. Some of it is quite on the nose.
Some odd descriptions that don't work IMO.
Page 6: A knife SLASHES through the younger woman's ankle, twisting.
How can you twist a knife if you are slashing at someone? I think SLASHES should be STABS.
This was a pretty good spin on the slasher genre, although I would have liked to see the masked man show up at the end as well, maybe attack the state trooper? I think I prefer "Pick Up" to this one. Either way, good job.
This one didnít quite click for me, though admittedly slasher isnít my go to for horror - they all seem to play out to similar beats. Thereís enough action to pull me through and though itís handled well I felt a little empty handed come the payoff. I could get with (and enjoyed) the set-up - the murdered husband haunting Mary as she tries to get away. But the moment the masked killer turned up it seemed to function more as an aside. For me it was a more interesting idea than the random campsite massacre.
The chance encounter felt like a stretch. Fans of that genre might get more out of it. I wonder if you could be having more fun with the idea over delivering it as a straight slasher?
If Maryís actions somehow set in motion the means for her demise/capture (with less coincidence at play) then it could swing back around to a sweeter payoff. Entertaining but all a bit too random for me - though again itís a question of taste.