SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 4:57am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  The Drift
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 6 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    The Drift  (currently 1263 views)
Don
Posted: February 7th, 2017, 5:23pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
The Drift by Aaron Mitton - Short, Drama - Trish thinks her marriage is on the rocks, but her husband doesn’t know it.  Trish attempts a last ditch effort to save it, and she finds out a secret that will answer her question for her.  9 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Kirsten
Posted: February 13th, 2017, 12:27pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group


Giving up is not an option....

Location
Kiwi in Ohio
Posts
373
Posts Per Day
0.13
Hi Aaron

This needs alot of work, but you have started and thats the most important thing to do....start writing.

It is way overwritten. It kind of reads as a half script half short story...

The storyline is very simple, but! You can make a great film out of a simple premise.....if you make it entertaining at every turn.
As this is, it falls flat and is a very long read.

look up about over writing a script online (better advice than i could give you) it will really help. One of the main things is to ask yourself if your action lines are filmable....

Anyway keep writing, keep reading scripts and it will all fall into place. Im starting out too, and I've been told my a few to stick around on here, theres lots of good writers with lots of good advice...

Just keep at it! The only failures are the ones who quit...

Cheers kirsten



"Turn that off, our friend has just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident!"....

'What we do in the Shadows.'
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 4
Marcela
Posted: February 17th, 2017, 6:21pm Report to Moderator
New


Location
Nottingham, UK
Posts
153
Posts Per Day
0.05
I wouldn't put a name of the main character in a logline. You even used it twice.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 4
Gameforalaugh
Posted: March 19th, 2019, 5:47am Report to Moderator
January Project Group


Location
Wales, UK
Posts
4
Posts Per Day
0.00
I enjoyed the story but didn't enjoy having no dialogue to read, it did seem a long read for a short story so would maybe suggest trimming it a little but I did enjoy reading it and it was very easy to visualise.  
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 4
Andrew
Posted: March 20th, 2019, 7:27pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1791
Posts Per Day
0.32
There's no doubt you can write, but it's so bloated.

The character description of Trish was enjoyable, and I got a real sense of woman worn down by the years, vulnerable, desperate to reclaim the youth she feels has slipped away from her. That's a relatable concept (if hardly novel), and twinned with a more engaging plot, it could be something interesting.

By contrast, the description for Chris didn't work so well for me, and so when you push against convention a little, sometimes it works, others not so much.

In the end, I had to skim after page 4.

This should really be a 4/5 page script.

Written in screenplay style, I think you could get some interesting stuff on the page. So hope to see more of your work soon.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 4
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Drama Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006