It's hard to do a real horror in 15 pages.  And cannibal is so limiting, I think that played a huge factor.

Dan

Oh, Jeff, I sent you a message to your box on SS.  Just wanted to make sure you see it.

Quoted from DanC Oh, Jeff, I sent you a message to your box on SS.  Just wanted to make sure you see it.

Got it. Will respond later, bro.

Quoted from Dreamscale I'm not sure hat happened here, but it seems like these are all comedies or pissers.  I have 1 to go, and I can't recall a single horror script.

This is more my fault I think. I left the parameters a little too open. Lol

~Zack~

I would've taken part Zack, you know it. I've just been TOO busy lately. Been babysitting my three month old grandson and had a new granddaughter arrive yesterday!    Not to mention some really huge writing related things going on.  

Super stoked Dena managed to get one in. She can be a machine!  

Made it by the skin of my teeth ...or knuckles Pia!

Congrats on the new granddaughter And the HUGE writing things going on.

Quoted from Zack This is more my fault I think. I left the parameters a little too open. Lol ~Zack~

Zach, I am surprised that you haven read or commented on any.  

I have a question.  What are the rules for the rewrite?  Can I turn this into a prologue?  The biggest issue is that it goes from being less abolished enmity and more about the original story title City in Fear.

Thanx
Dan

Quoted from DanC Zach, I am surprised that you haven read or commented on any.

Trust me, I'm getting to it. Had my car impounded a couple of days ago and am going through hell trying to get it back. Sorry for the delay guys.

~Zack~

Really wanted to do this but I just didn't get the time, Zack. I started one and struggled for a few days then time ran out. Typically, a day later I came up with a better idea lol.

Quoted from alffy Really wanted to do this but I just didn't get the time, Zack. I started one and struggled for a few days then time ran out. Typically, a day later I came up with a better idea lol.

It's all good Anthony. Take that idea and run with it. At least now you have no restrictions.

I'll be going through the scripts tonight. Looks like you guys have already got a lot of really good feedback. I hope you use the feedback and strengthen your script with the rewrite. Remember, the next draft is due in by 12 Midnight eastern time on March 1st. Looking forward to seeing what you guys have come up with and, again, sorry for the delay.

~Zack~

I've submitted the rewrite.

I've taken a lot of the comments to heart.  You were right.  It's too hard to cut 70+ pages and still flesh out the story.

So, I've written a prologue.  It gets everyone set up for the movie, explains why the kids care so much.

It's kinds self-contained, but, people will hate the ending.

I hope you like it better and can't wait to read everyone's submission and get and give good feedback.

I just hope you guys can see the potential with the story.  I know I might not express it that well, but, do see a lot for the idea.

Thanks again
Dan

I think I'm about ready to submit my final draft. I've done as much as I could, at least I believe so. Curious to see the new comments.

Quoted from Steven I think I'm about ready to submit my final draft. I've done as much as I could, at least I believe so. Curious to see the new comments.

You know, so am I.

Steven, you know, you could go to fan sites, perhaps there's a section that allows you to submit fan fiction and you could have other fans read the screenplay.  

Who knows, I've even heard of jobs coming from that.  I certainly wouldn't expect that, but, it sure would be cool.  

I'm afraid to do any fan fiction merely b/c it's such an investment of time, and the odds that they will okay it are slim to none.  I have an idea for both the Legend of Korra and Frozen.  And I know they have "ended" the Korra/Last Airbender universe and based on my other stories, could you ever see Disney letting me near Frozen?

Which is too bad b/c I do think both ideas are pretty solid.

getting back to you, I'd go that route.  Your short was pretty good.  However, as I said, I did read a lot of stuff on Wikipedia about the movie and book, and I hope you close the short in the spirit of the written or visual text (meaning was it all real, or a delusion?).

Dan

Quoted from DanC You know, so am I. Steven, you know, you could go to fan sites, perhaps there's a section that allows you to submit fan fiction and you could have other fans read the screenplay.   Who knows, I've even heard of jobs coming from that.  I certainly wouldn't expect that, but, it sure would be cool.   I'm afraid to do any fan fiction merely b/c it's such an investment of time, and the odds that they will okay it are slim to none.  I have an idea for both the Legend of Korra and Frozen.  And I know they have "ended" the Korra/Last Airbender universe and based on my other stories, could you ever see Disney letting me near Frozen? Which is too bad b/c I do think both ideas are pretty solid. getting back to you, I'd go that route.  Your short was pretty good.  However, as I said, I did read a lot of stuff on Wikipedia about the movie and book, and I hope you close the short in the spirit of the written or visual text (meaning was it all real, or a delusion?). Dan

Thanks for the info, I'll gladly do some research.

I changed my submission around drastically - names and locations (still NYC), removal of VO, scene arrangement, etc.

It's the same story, just told in a different way. I like the idea of a domineering, or haughty protagonist. Mix that with a little bit of humor, whether it be from a supporting cast or just the situation, and something good will come out of it.

I'm trying to nail this guy's personality, then insert him into different situations and write a scene around those situations.

Just submitted my rewrite. This is my third draft.

I make it clearer that Victor is the focal point, while Chuck assumes a Hicks/Hudson/Bishop "breakout hero" role. (And speaking of Hudson, RIP Bill Paxton.) I added three more employees to the climax, and more cannibalism (both intentional and unwitting).

Once again, happy haunting and good luck to everybody.

Quoted from Steven Thanks for the info, I'll gladly do some research. I changed my submission around drastically - names and locations (still NYC), removal of VO, scene arrangement, etc. It's the same story, just told in a different way. I like the idea of a domineering, or haughty protagonist. Mix that with a little bit of humor, whether it be from a supporting cast or just the situation, and something good will come out of it. I'm trying to nail this guy's personality, then insert him into different situations and write a scene around those situations.

Just to give you a few examples, lots of people write fan fiction for stuff like Doctor Who, Star Trek, Star Wars and the most famous (IMO) of this sort of tribute that have led to jobs, tons of stories of HP Lovecraft's cthulhu mythos.  Plenty of jobs have come from his fantasy \horror ideas.