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Walmart Receipt (currently 868 views)
Don
Posted: March 7th, 2017, 6:46pm
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So, what are you writing?
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Walmart Receipt by Rob Barkan - Short, Comedy - A young couple settle their differences at a Walmart customer service counter. 6 pages - pdf format
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Simon
Posted: March 11th, 2017, 6:54am
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English, self taught comedy writer
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It turns out Dale is surprisingly sensitive for a 20 year old, muscular construction worker with tattoos. This is a tiny bit weird, but what's stranger is how his at first rude and angry attitude changes so quickly, to guilt and soppiness. 'Not much better!.... Okay, pretty darn good', was the worst place where emotions changed. I didn't like the way everyone cheered, I thought that was a bit sugary, but that's just my taste. I thought the sex tape reference didn't fit in with the overall innocence of the script. Other than all that, I thought this was pretty good. I couldn't spot any spelling mistakes, or anything, either.
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eldave1
Posted: March 11th, 2017, 4:49pm
January Project Group
Location Southern California
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Not bad at all. The dialogue ran a bit over the top in places, but I did like the flip of character personas and the twist in the last line was nice.
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