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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  Just a Game
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Don
Posted: March 26th, 2017, 2:47pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Just a Game by Christopher Donald - Short, Comedy - The premiere of a new game show takes a turn for the worse when the host gets more and more of his own questions wrong. 10 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Cameron
Posted: March 28th, 2017, 2:43pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Christopher,

It's alright! Not necessarily my sense of humour, but it's okay.

You half venture into the manic side of things, and go from a straight up skit to semi-surrealist by the end. Maybe increase the surrealism up a couple of notches at the end for extra impact, or possibly pull it in to level the piece out. Hope that makes sense.

Only formatting nitpick I've got is that you should probably chuck a couple of (CONT'D)'s where the characters have continued dialogue broken by action.

I'm guessing you're from the USA, judging by the spelling in the script. Over here in the UK we've got some proper surreal comedians called Vic and Bob, who specialise in going proper left field. Maybe youtube a couple of their things, they even had a long running quiz show called Shooting Stars which was just mental. Actually, if you are American, maybe judging by this video it's best to avoid it - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1BmXh-lAbM

Anyway,in my opinion, you're half way there. Pretty good effort.

Cam
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