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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  I Spy
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Posted: April 17th, 2017, 1:12pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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I spy by Simon Parker - Short, Drama - When an adulterous man finds hidden cameras in his home he's soon being blackmailed but by who and is this just about money or something more. 10 pages - pdf, format

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RichardR
Posted: April 20th, 2017, 9:33am Report to Moderator
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Some notes.

This one doesn't offer much in the way of surprises.  It's a pretty straight forward story with a lot of info dumps along the way.  The ending is far from surprising.  I think you might try a slightly different approach.  Start this with her walking out for her trip, and since Jack is not a dull boy, make her business trips a regular thing.  After all, he's boffing hookers, so he has to have some free time.  And why dress Neve as a prostitute?  She's not there for sex.  She wants to blackmail him, so make it businesslike.  And then, there's the ending.  You might find a way of turning things around.  When the wife shows up, Neve and jack kill her.  Then, Neve kills Jack?  Twist this so we're surprised.  Reversals are fun.

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Richard
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