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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  Maybe No Mars
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  Author    Maybe No Mars  (currently 278 views)
Don
Posted: May 14th, 2017, 9:50am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Maybe No Mars by Brandon Stephens - Short, Sci Fi - An astronaut on Mars searches for the cure for a new kind of boredom.  6 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit http://www.simplyscripts.com for what is new on the site.


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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eldave1
Posted: May 14th, 2017, 10:31am Report to Moderator
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I quite liked this. Something right up my alley.  

There were a few places where the VOs could have been trimmed - there was enough action already to let us know what was going on.

I would lose the adult magazine and instead make them digital shots on an iPAD or something - it just struck me as something that would be 40 years ago.

Overall - solid effort


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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brandonstephensfilms
Posted: May 15th, 2017, 9:41am Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the posting of the script! It should be called "Maybe NOT Mars", not "Maybe NO Mars..."

And, thanks elDave for the comments. You're right, it probably makes more sense for the images to be on a digital screen of some kind rather than a magazine. I put the "magazine" part in there because I was thinking in the future, when people do visit distance planets and such, they would be fans of the nostalgic. Vinyl records, baseball cards, magazine, etc. Plus, the loss of power on Mars might render the iPads and what not of the future unusable or at least unchargeable?

Thanks for the read!

B


A short film from a Script I found on SimplyScripts.com
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I90EBIDSOOI

My Website.
http://www.screenforme.com
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eldave1
Posted: May 15th, 2017, 10:05am Report to Moderator
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You are more than welcome - glad they helped - it is a solid script


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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RichardR
Posted: May 24th, 2017, 1:55pm Report to Moderator
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Some notes

When I encountered the drone, I wondered if a drone could operate in Mars' reduced atmosphere, and the answer is no, not as we know drones.  Not enough air.  Of course, the kite can't work either, and no serious astronaut would try to fly one.--unless it is huge enough to grab the air which would make it heavy.  

I'm with El about the magazine.  No need for paper when a tablet can hold gigabytes of porn.  

And last.  I can't see the scout not having a detailed list of tasks to complete.  Between eating, exercising, and performing the tasks of a scout, I don't see a lot of time for being bored.  But that's me.  

If you give the scout a complete pod that needs no maintenance or adjustment, then you might find a bored person.  Maybe.

best
Richard
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