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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Series  ›  Personal Incorrectness Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: May 21st, 2017, 10:25am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Personal Incorrectness by John Rainone - Series, Comedy - {no logline} 38 pages - pdf, format

New writer interested in feedback on this work


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LuisAnthony
Posted: May 21st, 2017, 1:38pm Report to Moderator
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I would suggest adding a logline, a brief sentence on what the script is about. Scripts without one usually don't get many reads.

I read the first couple of pages, and I'm very confused. I don't know what the point is here, the dialogue seems very unnatural, and the formatting is off. I would suggest reading more. I don't know if this type of formatting is something I don't know about, but it definitely doesn't follow the traditional screenplay format.

Best of Luck,
Luis.
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