SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 19th, 2024, 3:55am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  The Evil Beneath Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    The Evil Beneath  (currently 1546 views)
Don
Posted: May 26th, 2017, 7:26pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16369
Posts Per Day
1.94
The Evil Beneath by Rodriguez Fruitbat - Horror - After accidentally killing her sister and spending years in therapy, a woman returns home to face the terrifying evil presence that tormented her childhood. 101 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  June 18th, 2017, 4:00pm
revised draft
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
cloroxmartini
Posted: May 28th, 2017, 1:15pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
You know what a saguaro is?
Posts
803
Posts Per Day
0.14
Hey there Fruitbat. Saw your name so I figured it might be worth reading. 10 pages so far...of course horror is not my thing but you make it interesting...so far.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 8
RodriguezFruitbat
Posted: May 29th, 2017, 8:16am Report to Moderator
New


Posts
92
Posts Per Day
0.02
Thanks cloroxmartini! I'd love to hear your thoughts, I hope it keeps your interest up.

I tried to keep this script as budget friendly as possible so it could be shot with a minimal crew at an existing location.
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 2 - 8
Cacutshaw
Posted: July 7th, 2017, 3:02pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Posts
177
Posts Per Day
0.07
Read this one in the afternoon. Really liked your script Murderhorn so I was happy when I saw you wrote this one too.

One of my favourite genres, which is very underused is the Evil Dead influenced film. There isn't much. Dead Dudes in the House. Demon Wind. Cabin in the Woods (of course), so when I read about demons in an isolated area I was thrilled.

I love the backstory of Stacy, and her encounter with her sister/demon... or could it be her own sickness. Noticed you started with a dream in this one too, though it works better here than Murderhorn. The dream seems like it could be part of her sickness.

Once she gets to the school, though it's familiar, the friendship she develops with Rebecca is sweet. It's great that there are no "assholes" in this horror movie. Both Rebecca and Stacy seem like really great people and the dialogue is great. I really hoped nothing to awful would happen to them.

Once they get to the island, I like how the horror slowly creeps up before becoming a full tilt horror film. It's nice that Stacy finally comes out of her shell and overcomes her "demons". And the ending is very satisfying.

My only suggestion would be, once the audience knows for a fact that it is a demon and not Stacy's madness (or is it?), a little history on the actual demon might be nice. Or even why her family would choose to conjure it in the first place. Maybe hook up Stacy's supposed madness with her mother's. Also, what was the demon doing in the years before Stacy showed up again and whether it was Stacy that brought it back.

All in all, this would make a fun, thoughtful and gory low budget horror film that I would love to see. Best of luck with it!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 8
RodriguezFruitbat
Posted: July 15th, 2017, 1:00pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
92
Posts Per Day
0.02

Quoted from Cacutshaw


My only suggestion would be, once the audience knows for a fact that it is a demon and not Stacy's madness (or is it?), a little history on the actual demon might be nice. Or even why her family would choose to conjure it in the first place. Maybe hook up Stacy's supposed madness with her mother's. Also, what was the demon doing in the years before Stacy showed up again and whether it was Stacy that brought it back.


I'm glad you liked it! yeah, this is one area I discussed a lot with the co-story creator (who wanted a movie that he could direct in a specific style). I had had the same inclination to add a lot of back story to the demon. A one point, I had a full outline for a more mystery-based approach, much more in the typical supernatural horror vein where the characters have to solve the clues to end the possession/haunting. While I agree with you on wanting more backstory, I think this approach forced me to focus much more on the characters and their relationship, then on the demon. In the end I don't know which would have been better, but I like how it turned out.
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 4 - 8
Tyler King
Posted: July 15th, 2017, 5:26pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Indiana
Posts
192
Posts Per Day
0.03
I'm in the middle of reading this and I actually enjoy it quite a bit. Right now I'm on page 50. So far, everything is good. Format is good, haven't noticed any spelling errors, and the dialogue is pretty sharp/realistic. The only downside for me is that as of right now, there's not a whole lot going in terms of suspense/horror, but I'll keep reading and let you know as I continue my thoughts.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 8
Tyler King
Posted: July 30th, 2017, 11:28am Report to Moderator
New



Location
Indiana
Posts
192
Posts Per Day
0.03
I don't know if the writer is still active as I haven't heard anything from him since my last reply, but I did actually end up finishing this. Overall, it was pretty good! The formatting was correct, didn't really notice any major grammar errors or anything like that , so good job with that. My only real complaints is that it took a little long to get going, but once it did, it seemed to run rather smooth. Also, the ending was predictable and I agree about what the other person said about explaining the demon's background. It would be interesting to know/learn about. I did, personally like your other script Murderhorn more, but don't get me wrong, this was pretty good too! I look forward to reading more of your stuff, you're pretty talented.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 8
RodriguezFruitbat
Posted: July 30th, 2017, 12:01pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
92
Posts Per Day
0.02
Thanks Tyler!

I think you're right about the beginning. At 101 pages there is room to cut. I'll have to talk to the co-story creator about going into more detail about the demon. My first instinct was to try a whole bunch of different origins, with lots of discovery, but in the end we just ended up going very simple on the the demon itself and focussing more on the girls. I would love to add some of that backstory back in.

This was an early script and Mirderhorn is my most recent, so it's good to see you've noticed some growth in my writing. Still working on it!
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 7 - 8
Tyler King
Posted: July 30th, 2017, 12:41pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Indiana
Posts
192
Posts Per Day
0.03
No problem man, keep it up. You have good work.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 8
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Horror Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006