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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Horror  ›  Pork  Belly
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Don
Posted: May 28th, 2017, 12:41pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Pork Belly by Rhys Hicks - Short, Horror, Psychological Horror - A grieving son prepares his late father's favourite meal with a side of revenge. 5 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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stevemiles
Posted: May 29th, 2017, 4:46am Report to Moderator
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Rhys,

This worked for me to an extent.  The whole ‘cannibalism’ idea was pretty much telegraphed from the outset, but the cutting between the balcony and the kitchen preparation added a touch of the macabre.  

The issue for me comes with the payoff.  Evan blames Claire’s mother for the death of his father - fair enough there’s motive for revenge.  But what did Claire do to Evan?  Where’s the satisfaction in feeding step-mom to her innocent teenage daughter?  The shock horror value is there - it’s grisly and could be pretty effective on screen as Claire gets stuck into the ‘pork belly’.  I wonder if the whole payoff could be that much more effective if Claire were somehow complicit in dad’s death/mom’s scheming?  I’d consider making her merit this vengeance, without it it plays as cruel for the sake of it.  What if it were step-mom doing the eating?

All the best,

Steve  


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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Simon
Posted: September 1st, 2017, 4:32am Report to Moderator
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