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Felt like I’d seen this set-up a few too many times so I didn’t go in with high expectations. But you took it in a direction I didn’t expect. There’s echoes of Monster’s Inc., with the nod to a scare hierarchy, but I like how you paid this off with the monster under the bed. I wondered how you’d wrap up an idea like this and i didn’t see that coming so it worked for me.
I liked it. That’s all I’ve got.
Steve
My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:
Not much to complain about here. Loved the snappy dialogue of Closet Monster, especially when he called Mason a dick. Cool ending. Should be easy to film - I hope this one gets made and done right! Good luck!
Had a smile on my face throughout, and got a laugh out loud for the "talk about ugly? Woof" bit. As others have said, it's right up the Monsters INC street, but that's not a bad street to be on, nice little injection of off beat comedy to push it far enough away from that territory to avoid any real issues.
A few tiny niggles: I know it's a pair of boxer shorts, but is it a "pair of underwear"? Maybe change to wearing only his underwear, or boxers, or something else, just read a bit odd.
Quite a lot of "buddy" and "daddy" finishes to the dialogue. Once the characters are established, maybe trim this back a bit.
On P4 "How’s this for not real for you, punk" - The double "for" scanned a bit oddly, maybe rephrase.
Anyway, they're some tiny niggles, but there's an awful lot to like here, was good fun.
I've always referred to them as a pair of underwear. Maybe that's common in Canada. Or maybe it's just me
I had actually gone over that specific line a few times, because it didn't seem right. The more I thought about it, the more I thought it would be reasonable for someone to say that in real life if they were flustered.
Good point on the buddy and daddy. I'll take a look at that.