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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Cosmic Brothers Moderators: bert
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  Author    Cosmic Brothers  (currently 1480 views)
Don
Posted: July 1st, 2017, 9:14pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Cosmic Brothers by Ryan Peters - Action, Adventure - When four teens with incrediable superpowers must unite to stop a enemy known as X. 95 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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Erica
Posted: July 2nd, 2017, 2:26pm Report to Moderator
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I think you need to take the time and correct the script before putting it out.  The whole script is riddled with no capital letters, punctuation, grammar and odd spacing.


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TonyDionisio
Posted: July 5th, 2017, 10:35am Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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When four teens with incrediable superpowers must unite to stop a enemy known as X... [Then what must they do before what happens?]

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eldave1
Posted: July 5th, 2017, 9:50pm Report to Moderator
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Ryan - the opening page is a train wreck from a format and grammar perspective - it's not close.  You are going to lose readers on page 1. This one is not ready I'm afraid.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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CrackedAces
Posted: December 21st, 2017, 5:28pm Report to Moderator
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Missing a title page.

Instead of "Protected by copyright" try "COPYRIGHT (c) year"

EXT. CHICAGO CITY HALL - DAY which means the camera (and me) are outside. However a helicopter flies by and I can hear the pilots talking. How can this be even possible without an INT. HELICOPTER?

Drop the WE SEEs and many INGs.

I can see a STORY developing but a rewrite is needed to clean up the spelling and grammar so it will read easier.

Good luck to you.




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