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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Horror  ›  The Soulstealer
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  Author    The Soulstealer  (currently 71 views)
Don
Posted: August 2nd, 2017, 5:05pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Soulstealer by Brian - Short, Horror - A photographer travels to a town where they condemn photography as something evil, when the patriarch's daughter disappears, he is the only one to blame. 12 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Warren
Posted: August 2nd, 2017, 6:10pm Report to Moderator
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Hi,

I generally don't quit on a short but by the start of page 3 you had introduced, by name, seven characters. That's excluding the unnamed ones. Too much, too confusing.

Some awkward writing and typos.

I cant comment on the story but hopefully someone can get through it and figure it out.

Sorry, best of luck with it.


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Tyler King
Posted: August 2nd, 2017, 7:20pm Report to Moderator
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I agree with Warren, I got to the end of page 4 (which is one page more!), skimmed page 5, and then skipped the rest. The general formatting seems alright, although you're missing your FADE IN at the beginning, however I agree about what Warren said about too many characters. Sometimes too much of something can be a bad thing, and in this case it is. Too many characters, too much going on = loss of interest. Also, the scenes move WAY TOO fast. I didn't even know what was going on, but by the time I gave up, I didn't even care anymore at that point. Sorry guy. Best of luck though.
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