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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  Transformers - Sins of War Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: August 4th, 2017, 4:26pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Transformers - Sins of War by Luis Filipe Araujo - Sci Fi, Fantasy, Action - Two alien factions bring their war to Earth, turning it into a new battlefield. Only the heroic Autobots can stop the evil Decepticons and their plans. 129 pages - pdf, format

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HyperMatt
Posted: August 31st, 2017, 7:30am Report to Moderator
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I've also fantasized about writing a Transformer movie. I will get round to reading this and give you my thoughts. I sure hope it is G1!
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HyperMatt
Posted: August 31st, 2017, 5:46pm Report to Moderator
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I'm up to page 10. Have to say it flows a lot better than I expected it to. Quite enjoying this, definitely seems a leap forward from the Bay stuff. Descriptions like the Decepticon symbol being purple and grim shows you have a deep understanding of G1, as does the protagonist named Spike. I was surprised you used Decepticon Battlechargers, I remember playing with that toy when I was a kid, I thought they were so lame, but Runamuck seems to have made his mark here. That's the thing that killed me about the Bay films; what I really loved about the Transformers is the characters we're unique and had interesting origin stories. The films just made them all generic, couldn't tell them from one another. Spike is a protagonist that I can route for, and I am curious were the story of the girl that stole the bus ticket is going. Good work so far.
I'll let you know my thoughts when I have read the whole thing.
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HyperMatt
Posted: September 2nd, 2017, 1:40pm Report to Moderator
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A straightforward story, some interesting ideas. In some ways it is a little too close to the Bay films, specifically the first 1.
I take it that the writer has a great familiarity to ‘G1’ version of Transformers. It was great hearing little details like Megatron’s cannon, Shockwave’s history with the Dinobots and the Ark and Nemesis spaceships, although it felt wrong to me those ships flying around like the Enterprise, for me felt better that they were crashed ships.

WHAT I LIKED
I think the scripts greatest strength is that it flows, and very easy to visualise the words, despite quite a few mistakes.
Human activity gratefully does not come to the fore until the second half of the script, the emphasis is more on the robot characters.  The humans are not as half as annoying as the ones in the Bay movies, I did feel a connection with Spike (like what you did there) and Verity, although Spike may be a little too close to Lennox from the Bay films.
Thing I really hate about the Bay films is that the robots on both sides feel generic for the most part, nothing that makes them standout, which is what I loved about the G1 characters. The Decepticons did come across as selfish slime bags that are enjoyable to watch, although I question the inclusion of the Runabout and Runamok, there are more interesting characters I would have like to see, like Blitzwing and Skywarp.
Nice to see actual Energon Cubes!
My favourite robot in the story was Wheeljack. My favourite scene was the military trying to blow up the Ark.

WHAT I DIDN’T LIKE
Verity starts off very interesting, she is supposed to be a strong female lead in the tradition of Rey and Everdene, but at the end if felt that she was this lonely tragic figure, who is not really explored or resolved.
I felt the third act goes on for far too long, and has too many similarities to the first film, the battle in the streets, Optimus saying the exact same words to Megatron on killing him, dumping Megatron’s body in the ocean. Maybe it was your intention to make it similar I don’t know.
It was an interesting idea using an inactive Shockwave as the McGuffin, but I felt this was building to something but did not pay off. It does not clear why the Autobots and the Decepticons are so desperate to get him, maybe I missed something.
This is 2017, but the use of profanity seems misplaced in a lot of scenes. I can’t see Prowl saying “Oh Shit”, not true to his character.  
Some nit-picky things I have: batteries for an IPod, Starscream being so open about wanting the leadership,
This is a fan script so it cannot be judged to harshly, but if you were submitting this to somebody, there is a lot of typos right up to the last page, it could be cut down at least 10 pages.

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Overall, enjoyable parts to it and I was able to read it very quickly.
I am curious to know how long it took you to write it.


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LuisF
Posted: October 13th, 2017, 9:09pm Report to Moderator
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Hello! I practically forgot to check the answers about my script, so it took me so long haha. Anyway, I REALLY appreciate your review and I will consider it.

Reading again, I really realized the similarities with the Bay movie. I was so into the story that I did not realize it at the time. About Runabout and Runamuck; I needed one of the Decepticons to die in history, so I did not want to kill an already known Decepticon. If it serves as a consolation, in the sequel that I planned there will appear more known villains.

In my first draft, the final battle would be all in Area 51, but I thought it would not be so dynamic and would repeat once again the desert scenery, so I was "forced" to go to a city. I've tried not to go too long, but with many characters to set on the scene, it gets complicated. Well remembered this gap in the Shockwave's plot, I also realized this in the rereading.

I was already planning to rewrite this script, and with your comments helped me have some points to fix it. Spoilers: Megatron's fate will no longer be the same. And I'm probably going to remove the Secretary of Defense character to look less like the first Bay movie.

And answering your question, it took me about 3 months to finalize the project. I watched several episodes of the G1 and also read several comics that detail more about the characters.

Thank you one more time and see you later.  
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HyperMatt
Posted: October 14th, 2017, 7:32am Report to Moderator
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The first Transformers comic, the Marvel limited series 1-4. I wish somebody would adapt that, now that would make a great movie.
The other thing I miss about early Transformer stuff, there was an emphasis on the scientific, like Star Trek and early Terminator. There was no sparks, Matrix of leaderships or Fallens. The Transformers were A.I. machines looking for energy to survive.
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HyperMatt
Posted: October 14th, 2017, 7:41am Report to Moderator
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I regard The Transformers as a Marvel property. Marvel Comics where a big part of my life when I was a kid. Marvel writer Bob Budiansky actually came up with the Transformer story and the characters for Hasbro, and it was adapted for into the comic and the Marvel produced first animated show. I think that early 80s period was one of Marvel's most creative periods.
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HyperMatt
Posted: October 20th, 2017, 6:21pm Report to Moderator
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The key is that Transformers is a Western, it basically is a Western. More so than Star Wars. Optimus Prime is the John Wayne Sherrif. Bumblebee is the young inexperienced deputy. The cinema audience never really got to know Sideswipe and Sunstreaker, who were the trigger happy good guy brothers.
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