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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Thriller Scripts  ›  Ditch
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Don
Posted: August 4th, 2017, 4:28pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Ditch by Eric Cook - Short, Thriller - Based on a true story, a son calls his parents for roadside assistance, but ends in obfuscation.  9 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Tyler King
Posted: August 4th, 2017, 9:02pm Report to Moderator
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The overall formatting was pretty good, except a few minor grammar errors and repetitiveness here and there, but a small rewrite could easily fix all that...

The dialogue was extremely cheesy. Didn't care for it at all...

The overall script kept my attention, though, and the end with the "narrative" or whatever was the creepiest part IMO. It really makes you wonder what light he saw. I kind of got an alien/UFO vibe from this, not sure if that's what you were going for - but I guess it's up for interpretation right?

Overall, a pretty good effort and a small rewrite/edit could make it even better.
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