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There's nothing wrong with it. A bit predictable for me though, but I don't know what to suggest here. He starts creepy, and it's obvious he's very dark and bad and will do something to the psychologist at the end. Maybe if you could let us root for him we wouldn't know.
He's better not tell her he's about to kill her. He's going to do it and we'll see it - no need to put it in words. Overall, the dialog was a bit on the nose, especially that part.
Agreed that this is very predictable. You know the psych is going to be the cheerleader instantly. It's a little ridiculous that the psych doesn't remember this really traumatic experience at all, seem like she would have clicked then.
JOHN I hurt something she cared about. Something she loved. And it hurt her. The next time I saw her, she was crying at her locker, talking about what I did.
Very talky, but would be very easy to film so it has the potential to be picked up.
I liked this!! This has the potential to be so much better, if you could find a way to make it less predictable...also, like Warren said, Sharon should've remembered everything right away. So that kind of killed it for me. But the overall format/writing is terrific, and like I said, the idea is good - and can be great if some changes are made! Good luck!
this one is predictable and too abrupt. Psychiatrists have all sorts of defenses to such attacks, including cameras and other devices. And she would not lose all control over a photo. at that moment, she would know what she was dealing with and use her defenses.
And you might get a better response if the photo isn't grotesque but one of a pretty little girl. Keep the audience guessing.
Lee, the writing style is excellent. The only problem, in my view, is that the script lacks originality. Crazy patients who kill their psychiatrists are very popular. In only 3 pages, you don't have the time to develop a credible story. Maybe, a longer version can fix this problem. You don't have a problem writing, work on it. Develop your characters. All my best, Fausto