Five Fingers Make A Fist by Felix Hockey - Short, Drama - After mutilating her sister as a child, the 28 year old Monika returns to her family after a break-up. 17 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Okay, some advice...

1) Your sluglines are kind of confusing. Don't put the date in there. Use SUPER to show that something is a flashback.
2) Missing line breaks.

Quoted Text INT. PARENTS' BEDROOM - EARLY 1990S - NIGHT A cot sits in the bedroom opposite an empty bed. Within it lies the newborn JESSICA, crying. The door opens slowly. The sounds of a TV downstairs becomes more apparent and in steps MONIKA (3 years old, dark hair) holding a pair of scissors.

Should be:

Quoted Text INT. PARENTS' BEDROOM - NIGHT A cot sits in the bedroom opposite an empty bed. Within it lies the newborn JESSICA, crying. The door opens slowly. The sounds of a TV downstairs becomes more apparent and in steps MONIKA (3 years old, dark hair) holding a pair of scissors.

Just use a new line every time you'd have to move the camera.

3) Punctuation, spelling...
4) There's simply not enough story for 17 (!) pages, this is way too long. The whole stuff between the opening and the end feels kind of irrelevant to me!? But then again, I started to skip after page 5 or 6...

I thought this was a great story. You pulled me in right from the beginning with the scissors, and you kept my interest all the way through with the various flashbacks and tensions. I wanted to know why Monika acted the way she did, though. I thought her parents were way too nice, she must have gone through some kind of abuse. Why is Jessica so different to her? I found the ending to be disappointing and I was hoping for a twist. I didn't really understand the 6 year old Jessica's dialogue at the end. Was it just to show the two sisters were close to each other?