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Wow! I really enjoyed this one. Excellent stuff here. I didn't think I would read through the whole thing, but I was enamored by the story.
A few things:
- I fell in love with the characters, which I think is probably the most important part of a rom-com. Well done!
- The fourth-wall breaking felt a wee bit like an unnecessary flourish. Something that seems more like a stylistic subversion as opposed to a meaningful one. Maybe this would work better if it was more closely tied to Alex's podcast?
- Interesting thematic stuff going on with the names. The Alex/Laura and Mel/George stuff was very cool.
- Funny moments. The ending podcast calls and S.A.A meeting stick out.
- I felt that Joey's scene where she gets upset at the customer felt a little too cruel for me to stay with the character. I understand that she's brash, but the meanness tips over to "too much," in my opinion.
- This read like a breeze, but I couldn't help but think that you could've done more with fleshed out descriptions of both character and setting, to give us a better feel of the world and its situations. It's awesome that this story has an Asian character and overweight character as its leads, but the fact that we don't know any of this until it comes up in dialogue is kind of telling.
- Alex and Mel reading each others' texts to the other was a great scene.
- I felt there were lots of instances where the characters were a bit too honest in their dialogue, to a fault. It seems like people would usually work their way around the conflict in question, as opposed to harshly cutting to the point. It's fine if it's one or two particular characters who do it, but the fact that most everyone approaches conversation this way was a little off-putting.
And that's it! Again, really liked this one, keep it up!
Hi Josh, thank you for reading the script and for your notes. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
The 4th wall break was carried over from its prequel, but you make a great point especially if I want this to be standalone.
Joey was my favourite character to write, one of the reasons being that she required the least amount of thought dialogue-wise, almost as if she refuses to let me decide for her what to say. But you make another great point in her going too far sometimes.
The descriptions of the characters were any carry-over from the prequel, as both Mel and Alex were already established. But again, I definitely see the benefit of re-establishing them for this to be standalone.
Your comments were very valuable to me as a writer, so thank you again!
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Winter to Spring
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