Mitzi's by Daniel Cocklin - Drama - In the heart of City of London's financial district is a table dancing venue where the wealthiest can't compete with beautiful dancers for ultimate power and an ownership struggle between the management threatens its very existence.      128 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

D & M,
Well I read all 127 pages.  Sorry, but I was bored to tears.  Kept wishing and hoping that something interesting or surprising would happen. Never did.  Why stop at 127, another hundred pages wouldn't have mattered?

Your screenwriting skills were fine but the story was absolutely dead beat.  Okay, I'm being harsh and of course this is JMO.  If your story has received positive reviews from other readers;  GREAT.   I would love to hear what their positive comments are.  Maybe it's me.

The character conflicts, goals and outcomes  were  predictable.  The build-up's and break-down's went on and on.

I firmly believe you need to eliminate unnecessary scenes.  Your story could be told in half the number of pages.

Carry on,


JJ