SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is April 19th, 2024, 1:26pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  5 Seconds Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    5 Seconds  (currently 1087 views)
Don
Posted: September 14th, 2017, 6:25pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16417
Posts Per Day
1.93
5 Seconds by Reagan Trent - Sci Fi, Fantasy - Jonathan and his friends have to stop the man who cut off all oxygen for five seconds. 100 pages - pdf, format

New writer interested in feedback on this work


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Warren
Posted: September 14th, 2017, 7:52pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


A man who has taught his mind to misbehave

Location
Sydney, Australia
Posts
3897
Posts Per Day
1.35
Hi Reagan,

The stakes really don’t feel that high in your logline, most people can hold their breath for at least a couple of minutes. I obviously haven’t read the script, but I would encourage you to come up with a better logline. This doesn’t make me want to read the script.

All the best.



Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 2
eldave1
Posted: September 14th, 2017, 8:15pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Southern California
Posts
6874
Posts Per Day
1.94

Quoted Text
INT. JONATHAN’S HOUSE - MORNING

It begins with a fade sound in a hallway of a house. The
fade sound turns into music.

While you are in the hallway the angle turns to an open
door which is the bathroom.

You see a shower with a curtain around it. And then the
song you realize is jailhouse rock by Elvis Presley.

You get closer and closer to the curtain and then right
before you get to it you then change to JONATHAN’S face
inside the shower. His face is full of fright and the song
gets louder


This is going to need a lot of work.

You need to lose all the you - we.  

Don't start with it begins. We know it is the beginning. It's page 1.  

Put Hallway in your opening slug. Saves the need to do it later

What is a fade sound?

Sorry - but not good enough to read on.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 2
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006