SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 6:41am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Crazy Ball Player Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 4 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Crazy Ball Player  (currently 881 views)
Don
Posted: December 11th, 2017, 2:55pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Crazy Ball Player by Jeremiah Ford - Comedy - Levi Rothbaum is at a very high point in his career, but he has a cocaine addiction.  Will he be able to conquer his demons and begin a fresh sober life? 178 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Bogey
Posted: December 12th, 2017, 8:19am Report to Moderator
New



Location
The Chair
Posts
232
Posts Per Day
0.06
Jeremiah-

Crazy Ball Player is crazy long at 178 pages. For a comedy, you'll have to get it under 115 pages to get any serious traction. Your page margins appear to cheat at the top and bottom, so I'm guessing that 178 is closer to 190 using industry standard margins. Yikes.

Start chiseling away at the action descriptions (3-4 lines max), and say the dialogue lines out loud to get a feel for what it would sound like. The dialogue I read on the first couple pages was very stiff and unrealistic, and paging through the script I saw pages and pages of huge chunks of dialogue that I would go mad reading.

I suggest you read some scripts posted under the Black List or Award Season forum links posted here to get a better feel for what you need to do on a rewrite.

Good luck.



Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 1
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Comedy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006