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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  Donkey Punch Moderators: bert
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  Author    Donkey Punch  (currently 1019 views)
Don
Posted: January 26th, 2018, 8:12am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Donkey Punch by Ace Braxton - Sci Fi, Fantasy, Comedy - {no logline} 101 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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TonyDionisio
Posted: January 26th, 2018, 9:39am Report to Moderator
Been Around


Damnit, get to the point!

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Ace,

Despite the lack of a logline to indicate if I may be interested in reading your story, I took a look based solely on the title.

The opening scene lost me after nuts and dicks being shot off.

This, however, irritated me more:

"Enter the Sawyers, our main protagonists that we’re supposed
to care about the entire film."

It is condescending and lazy to the screenplay craft.
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HyperMatt
Posted: April 21st, 2018, 5:53pm Report to Moderator
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A logline would be very helpful.


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