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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Aurora Peace Knight Moderators: bert
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  Author    Aurora Peace Knight  (currently 1102 views)
Don
Posted: February 24th, 2018, 3:16pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Aurora Peace Knight Series by Jordan C lee - Action, Adventure - Seneca Aurora of watches and protects his Country Arcete. As a Peace knight solider, a centurion cyborg in the future of 3030. Set 3 billion years into the future, people are born new with evolution of Cyborg A.I. abilities with amazing god like capableness of super human strengths.  The New world lives off an Nomadic society system of evolving over each other with there superhuman strengths. Wars are waged as other country try take over each other as superior ones live higher than primitive ones with super powers.  90 pages - pdf, format

New writer interested in feedback on this work


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Warren
Posted: February 25th, 2018, 9:41pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Jordan, I'm not sure how to comment on this.

The logline needs some serious work. I have no idea what this is about.

Had a look at the script. We are talking about pages and pages of dialogue, some monologues taking as much as two pages. The action is also just as long.

I’m guessing English isn’t your first language; I struggled to make sense of just about everything I read.

"..." does not constitute dialogue.

There is so so much wrong here, all I can suggest is that you read a lot more scripts to see how it’s done. A few articles on the general art of screenwriting will also be helpful.

All the best.



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Warren  -  February 25th, 2018, 10:43pm
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Stumpzian
Posted: February 26th, 2018, 9:44am Report to Moderator
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The logline says the story takes place in the year 3030, which is described as "3 billion years in the future."



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HyperMatt
Posted: February 26th, 2018, 10:42am Report to Moderator
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A few more zeros to add on then.


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