All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Marcello - gave these a read. Hope these notes help in some way.
VICKY No sweetie. Go back to bed.
Need a comma after No.
A nitty issue, but: this
EXT - SUBURBAN STREET - NIGHT
Probably should either be INT/EXT. PATROL CAR - TRAVELLING - NIGHT
INT PATROL CAR- NIGHT
Since all of the subsequent action takes place inside the car.
VICKY’S HOME/ JOSH’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
INT. VICKY’S HOME/ JOSH’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
ROBERTS Good evening Ma’am. You called the Police tonight?
Need a comma after evening. I won't mention again suspecting that you have it in other places, but whenever you have a name/title of someone being addressed - there needs to be a comma. e.g., It's "How are you doing, Dave - not - How are you doing Dave.
EXT. VICKY’S HOUSE
INT: VICKY’S HOME
You also have this problem throughout.
I'm at the point where the officers have their gun drawn on Josh - struck me as odd that they wouldn't have shot him right then.
VICKY If this is some kind of sick joke.. I’m not laughing. ROBERTS No ma’am, no joke. Just a very fucked up situation for you.
I didn't care for the above dialogue at all - they've already essentially told her they're going to kill her - pretty sure she is beyond the - is this a joke thing.Just seemed like an unnatural reaction.
I actually took out NIGHT intentionally at one point. Like I literally went back and removed NIGHT from every slug. I guess I figured once the story was set at the house. Then the back and forth NIGHT slug wasn't needed. I guessed wrong.
Appreciate the advice on the patrol car slug. Wasn't too sure if I had to use INT or EXT in the car scene. Now I know.
And that dialogue where it's revealed to Vicky the officers next move, was something i was toying over a bit. Changed it couple times.. I wanted to show Cruz's confliction about what was happening. But by adding that, I subseqently was stuck with Vicky's character not fully believing what was happening. Probably should have just killed her off and cut that out. oh well.
Im a little rusty I know lol.. Havn't sat down and wrote in like 3 years. But im gonna get back on it.