|
 Author |
 Yer' In over Yer' Head - WT (currently 1500 views) |
| Don |
| Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 11:38am |
 |
|
AdministratorAdministrator  So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16431 Posts Per Day 1.94 |
Yer' In Over Yer' Head by Marion Robert Morrison - Short, Comedy, Western - Two angry rail-workers try to wash away the day. - pdf, format
Writer interested in feedback on this work |
| Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.
-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Gary in Houston |
| Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 11:53am |
|
|
January Project Group 
LocationTexas Posts1306 Posts Per Day 0.31 |
Very nicely done here. Good writing on display, and while the ending is somewhat telegraphed, that was no problem for me, as I liked how you got to the ending. Kudos on the solid one pager.
Best of luck,
Gary |
| Some of my scripts:
Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned
|
|
|
|
 |
Reply: 1 - 17 |
|
|
| JEStaats |
| Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 2:38pm |
|
|
Old Timer  No sh*t, there I was....
LocationTucson, AZ Posts1735 Posts Per Day 0.62 |
Clever title. Even though I saw it coming a mile away, it was still entertaining. Good work.
Two westerns, so far?! Interesting.... |
|
 Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 2 - 17 |
|
|
| MarkItZero |
| Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 2:42pm |
|
|
Old Timer 
Posts1007 Posts Per Day 0.34 |
That was pretty funny. Why is it the mysterious stranger though, it's the Chinese guy right? Anyways, nice job. |
| That rug really tied the room together. |
|
| Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 3 - 17 |
|
|
| AnthonyCawood |
| Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 2:47pm |
|
|
January Project Group 
LocationUK Posts4323 Posts Per Day 1.13 |
I liked the start of this, great tone, but then the end seemed lesser somehow... decent effort in a difficult genre though. |
| |
|
|
|
 |
Reply: 4 - 17 |
|
|
| ScottM |
| Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 8:47pm |
|
|
Posts49 Posts Per Day 0.02 |
It’s okay, not much of a payoff really.
It’s still fairly enjoyable. |
| |
|
|
|
|
Reply: 5 - 17 |
|
|
|
| khamanna |
| Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 3:27am |
|
|
January Project Group 
Posts4195 Posts Per Day 0.79 |
I wish you showed us the peeing guy was Chinese. Would have more of a punch this way I think. |
|
|
|
|
Reply: 6 - 17 |
|
|
| Zombie Sean |
| Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 12:34pm |
|
|
Old Timer 
LocationColorado Posts1547 Posts Per Day 0.23 |
Even though I saw the ending coming, it was still a good short. Good writing and dialogue. |
|
| Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 7 - 17 |
|
|
| Stumpzian |
| Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 1:58pm |
|
|
January Project Group 
LocationNorth Carolina Posts662 Posts Per Day 0.18 |
Props for the John Wayne pseudonym. Thrifty writing and funny (though, in reality, the Chinese were hard-workers on the Transcontinental Railroad; maybe Cameron the history teacher will correct me if I'm wrong about this).
With the straw sandals, I think you made it clear that the pee-ers were Chinese.
Thumbs up. |
|
|
|
| Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 8 - 17 |
|
|
| PrussianMosby |
| Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 4:42pm |
|
|
Posts1399 Posts Per Day 0.36 |
Yer' In Over Yer' Head
Pfff, what a silly episode. As a Story, it does work though. However, I'm not sure if it's enough as a today's piece since these are bygone conflicts - so no clue if there's still an adequate identification concerning the right and wrong attitude lurking behind. Still interesting, with a funny payoff-
3 |
|
|
|
| Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 9 - 17 |
|
|
| Warren |
| Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 11:01pm |
|
|
Of The Ancients  A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
LocationSydney, Australia Posts3897 Posts Per Day 1.35 |
Another damn western.
I enjoyed this one more than the last, but it’s still a very simple payoff. It was okay. |
| |
|
| Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 10 - 17 |
|
|
|
| FrankM |
| Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 11:10pm |
|
|
January Project Group 
LocationBetween Chair and Keyboard Posts1447 Posts Per Day 0.62 |
Can. Not. Unsee. And, yes, it was quite obvious to me who the pee-erpetrator was. |
| |
|
|
|
|
Reply: 11 - 17 |
|
|
| eldave1 |
| Posted: April 4th, 2018, 10:14am |
|
|
January Project Group 
LocationSouthern California Posts6874 Posts Per Day 1.93 |
A bit disconnected for me - I think I need to know who was pissing.
Writing was good - nice visuals. |
| |
|
|
|
|
Reply: 12 - 17 |
|
|
| CameronD |
| Posted: April 4th, 2018, 12:20pm |
|
|
Been Around 
Posts542 Posts Per Day 0.14 |
|
|
|
|
Reply: 13 - 17 |
|
|
| jayrex |
| Posted: April 4th, 2018, 4:36pm |
|
|
Old Timer  Cut to three weeks earlier
LocationLondon, UK Posts1420 Posts Per Day 0.22 |
Good setting, funny, I liked this one. Good job! |
| |
|
|
|
| |
Reply: 14 - 17 |
|
|
Pages: 1, 
Locked Board