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Colder (currently 223 views)
Posted: May 20th, 2018, 12:01pm
So, what are you writing?
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by John Helliwell - Short, Drama - A spiteful Grandfather teaches his Grandson a lesson in cruelty, but regrets it when the seemingly innocent child proves to be a fatally quick learner. 13 pages - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted: May 22nd, 2018, 4:50am
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Hey there, John,
I really enjoyed this one. It was creepy in places, the character were well-painted and the idea of making the game Hot or Cold a struggle between life and death is fun. At the end of your script, there are 2 pages that are just blank. I would recommend getting rid of them. Good job.
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Posted: May 25th, 2018, 2:59pm
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Entertaining read and should be relatively easy to produce. There's some nice descriptive elements and some well placed asides that help set the tone. The characters are well drawn and the twist plays well and made me smile. Austin mentioned the spare couple of pages and I'd personally lose the page top/bottom continued, but otherwise the formatting is solid. Good effort!
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Posted: May 28th, 2018, 12:23pm
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Nice little revenge tale, could see where it was headed but that didnít dampen the payoff. Grandpaís mean, but the kid turns out to be far worse. An idea as to Michaelís age would help - unless I missed it? Could potentially lose the Mother character to keep it even simpler. Some random double spacing is probably making this appear longer than it is - not sure if anyone else is getting that when they open it? Best of luck, Steve
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