Space Ghost: "Bury the Ghosts" by Herculoid Poirot - Series, Action, Drama, Superhero - When Moltar kills his sidekick, a still-grieving Space Ghost must put the past behind him in order to face Zorak. 17 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Space Ghost - IMDB, Wiki, Video/Trailer

Is this a cartoon or live action?

When we first see Space Ghost cap MAN.

Tricky issue. You start off describing in detail Space ghost's power bands and invisi belt. For people who know SG, there is little need to do so, would you describe Batman's utility belt in such a way? But for people unfamiliar they do need some information. I'd rather you introduce to his powers organically and through action. . Have SG sneak up already invisible for example.

Haven't SG and Moltar meet many times before? Of wait, this is a reboot. Maybe they haven't. I need to keep that in mind as I read these scripts. My bad.

CNN and Wolf Blitzer? Oh man, is this turning into a pisser already?

Batman and Superman references seem out of place here.

SG contemplating a visit to the shrink isn't what I had in mind from the logline.

Sorry, I'm out. This is super tongue in cheek but it's not that funny. The original SG played itself very seriously and that give it a funny charm years later. This is more Coast to Coast but not nearly at that level. Was hoping for some nostalgia and sadly still looking for it. Good effort.  

Hey writeroonie (for any Athletico Mince fans out there, you know what I'm saying),

So...Space Ghost!! From the off, didn't have a clue who he was but did the Don assigned homework yesterday and enjoyed my YouTube session. This is scattergun, all over the place, but I actually quite liked it.

Let's start on the refreshment of the subject material. Space Ghost has already been rebooted before for Adult Swim (if I'm correct) so it's a risk doing it again, but I think you pulled it off. I like the the semi Deadpool vibe going on, the classroom scenes are great, absolutely brilliant, and I liked our kinda anti hero protagonist.

Things I wasn't so keen on. It's rapid fire, scenes upon scenes upon scenes, where he's one character and then another. I know what you're trying to do here, and I agree in you doing it as it's pretty necessary to the entire story, but it was very hard as a reader to nail it down and follow it in its entirety. But that's it, apart from that it was all good for me.

Formatting wise, you've utilised every facet going and correctly at that, but I fear all the movements and jumping was part of the confusion for myself. But it's correctly actioned, so massive tick. Spelling was good, couldnt spot typos.

I liked it. You met the parameters, technically well executed but on the downside it did feel rapid fire and slightly messy.

Overall, good work!

Cam

This one was kind of hard to follow. Not that it was poorly written, just so much is going on. You only used 17 pages, why not give this ting some room to breath and use the whole 24 pages?

Lots of telling when you should be showing. Remember you're writing a screenplay. You need to be more visual with your descriptions.

Never seen the original Space Ghost, but I was a fan of Coast to Coast. For better or worse, that's how I imagined this script playing out.

This does seem to be fairly well thought out. It's just not for me.

Not a bad effort by any means. Good job on entering.

~Zack~

Shooting from the hip. Suggestions and opinions, take it or leave it.

Pg. 1 - use the power bands and inviso-belt in a scene opening scuffle to introduce their purpose and then lead into the stand off.

Th stand-off where they are inching towards each other seems a little underplayed.

Pg. 2 - where do the henchmen come from? If they were always there, introduce them with Moltar, if not, tell us a little more on how they managed to capture the sidekick.

Getting thrown into lava could be a little more dramatic. He struggles against the henchmen and SG tries to save him but Moltar distracts SG with hostages.

Pg. 3 - don’t have SG chuckle at a joke made towards his very recent depression following the loss of his sidekick.

Pg. 4 - dry humor like the stuff on this page is more fitting to what you got going on, tune it up a bit though

Pg. 5 - 7ish alright, either go full coast to coast or reel it in.

Pg. 8 - end - more coast to coast, you need more! Make it as ridiculous as Sealab reboot.

Read the entire script, and it felt like an even campier version of the original series.  The thing I liked about Batman (and the original Space Ghost) was that it was campy, but it was serious in its campiness. Here, everything is just over the top and even in the serious moments Space Ghost or the bad guys are cracking lame jokes.

The writing isn’t bad, I think it’s just the story itself didn’t meet the “promise of the premise” as they say.  I would tone the humor down some (or if you’re going to use it this much, really sharpen it).

Good luck,
Gary

The initial description of Space Ghost wasn’t bad, a little clunky, could’ve been polished. I laughed at how it played out with Spektor being engulfed in lava. Also the next scene was awesome as Space Ghost awakes from the nightmare, pulling himself together at the sink. Loved that.

Dialogue between characters had a great pace to it, just wish there weren’t so many celeb callouts littered on top. A more vulgar Space Ghost fits his impulsive Coast-to-Coast character. The style doesn’t reboot the character as much as tunes it to a show more like Archer which is a good thing.

This absolutely feels like the way Space Ghost evolves on TV, even if the script chases its own tail sometimes. I love how the story’s centerpiece is Space Ghost dealing with shit, but I thought more attention could be on the Zorak’s halloween heist which was too brief. I also liked the Suess scene too - again, too brief but not by much. Good work!

I've seen a fair share of Space Ghost cartoons but it's been many, many years. Let's see if this rings true to memory....

Was he a teacher? Can a ghost grow a beard? Hmmm...maybe I need to watch an episode or two.

Writing is decent. Quick banter. Good formatting. No real issues. Good work.

This would be very interesting as a live action. It would come off kinda like 'The Tick', I think. Yeah, pretty much how I remember Space Ghost. Good stuff.

Hey you,

I looked into the show and Space Ghost seems to have had a concept of super-short segments, somehow three 6-minute stories that made one episode - definitely kiddy stuff from its original expression. Let's see where you have taken it here:

Okay, sidekick has changed, since it was that boy Jan in originals- hope you kept the little sweet monkey.

Otherwise, a good first page with a straight-in-scenario on the antagonist and a quality description of Space Ghost.

P2 Specktor's death in front of Space Ghost felt too easy, no true resistance or rescue move (remembered SG can fly f.i.) – this part could be more exciting, writer

"CNN… etc…" So, I think this is real-live superhero material, which is your twist… all right

P4 "You've almost got a David Letterman thing going
on." There's a lot of pop culture, self-ironic stuff there coming, and I don't like it. I want to get into SGs story first. Other stuff could be done later when we know the world better-

p 13 I see, his common partners are going to join the team

p 14 yeah, eventually some actions

I think you know where you want to go with this, but it hasn't fully delivered. This self-ironic comedy approach could work, but it 1. needs to be better and funnier (on point funny) and 2. even in that kind of format, actions are stronger than dialogue

This over the top way (wink to Deadpool) could be legit for this rather simple superhero, but again, the action, conflict and world-building shouldn't be neglected (re f.i.: introduction, death of Specktor or school/Space Ghost teacher scenario -- many parts felt rushed and underdevoled <-- especially too much buried by dialogue with a lack of movement and visuals so far)

I'd say such stuff has a chance, but the whole plot needs to be 100% in all areas, to give that self-ironic, trashy concept some ground to live and breathe; hard to accomplish in a TWC of course. Possibly you also took the hardest route with having too many characters and locations here…

It's an overall funny idea though and still solid, somehow even coherent in its goofy way… It's just not coherent and funny on a premium level yet, where imo is the only chance for the show to have a reasoned place in the spotlight.

Nevertheless, good first take of you. It's a solid job for sure.

This was entertaining and could work as a reboot. The question is: who is it aimed at? Kids won't catch many of the references to TV shows and characters, and the people who will catch the references are still watching the reruns of these shows on old-time TV.

Writer,

Again, sadly, not familiar with the subject matter. I remember watching Space Ghost vaguely as a kid, but never enough for it to stick in my mind. Anyhow, this seemed to be going more for laughs than anything else. However, you don't have it listed as a comedy. So, that was a bit confusing. Overall, this didn't work for me because, while the writing is okay, I was never at any point hinging on what happens next. I didn't find myself with any sort of feeling for these characters, or how they were written, or the story, for that matter. Entertaining in place, but ultimately it did not work for me. Good effort, though!

Steve

I think that the first scene could be written better. I had to reread it three times for some reason.

It's straightforward after that - Space Ghost is a good guy. Spector, either his ally or his help, dies from the hands of the bad guy Moltar.

Now I wanted to know how Space Ghost is special and why we should watch him aside from the fact that he's a good superhero and helps good people and is with the police.

But it got messy and I stopped understanding it. He's a Ghost. He's Fanta. Why? You don't explain much. There's suddenly a song over black. I think you could clean it up for an easier read.
You introduce a lot of characters as you go.

The story is straightforward and not hard to understand. But I don't see how Space Ghost is special. I don't see many explanations to the questions raised.

I'm a bit lost on this one... am I correct in assuming this is a reboot of Space Ghost Coast to Coast's Space Ghost rather than the original series' Space Ghost?

Saw the original in re-runs as a kid, where Space Ghost was a gadgeteer-style superhero in a future setting where the gadgets he used should have been common items (maybe they were banned by law?). This reboot doesn't do anything to fix that central flaw in the character. You can get away with it in a kids' show, but this seems aimed at adults who would wonder about these sorts of things.

The pop culture references seem 100% out of place to me... this is not set on Earth. Not familiar with Coast to Coast, and I'm assuming it was imported from there, but I still don't like it. The dates confused me... is this set in our present on a world more advanced than ours? The Ghost Planet seems to be in contact with Earth or inexplicably has parallel celebrities. A show's premise can be as goofy as you want, but this wouldn't be my kind of show.

That said, there was some real emotion in some of those scenes. Not for me, but from what I can see seems well-executed.