American Rejects by Brendan Mitchell - Comedy - High School... Girls... Life... and Everthing in Between. - doc format.

I think that this script needs a lot of work.  It doesn't read well at all, and in fact is very wordy in places where simplicity will suffice.  The phrase "less is more" really comes into play here.  Instead of:

The sun is setting a bright red. It’s actually rather beautiful.

-maybe try saying: The sun sets a beautiful bright red.

And:  Bam is back walking through the parking lot. It looks like school has just gotten out.

Try:  School is out and Bam walks in a parking lot.

----Granted, neither of these are the best solution, only suggestions as to get to the point with the strongest, and least amount of words necessary.


I like your idea very much, but spent too much time wondering why you had your characters do certain things. 

For instance:  they ride their bikes to school and then drive their station wagon away?  Did they spend so much on the car that they have to split mode of transportation to and from because they can't afford gas? 

None of my comments are meant to be rude or discouraging.  Heck, you've at least completed your screenplay.  I struggle to make time to do it thus proving that you're far ahead of me. 

I think with the right changes, this could be really good.  I will say that I haven't finished reading it yet, but am wanting to finish it today.  Keep up the writing.  If I've offended you, then I do apologize.

Now, I'm off do as I say and not as I've done.

I love the name of the script.

well i didn't exactly have time to read the whole thing since its well past 1am (take note that im veeeery tired) and im just lazy....but......

in a screenplay, one page counts as one minute of the film. a standard comedy is made up of 90 pages (avarage). An action/si-fi etc. film is made of an avarage 100 - 135.

this screenplay only has 60....something pages, which leads me to belive that it is (or would be) a pretty short movie, and wouldn't go for the usual 2 hour slot on TV

then again some people choose to write long, long, loooooong.......movies like the seemingly never ending lord of the rings (that i can't bring myself to watch).

Anyhow its about the content, not the length, so whatever...

dude I know this is an old thread, but I disagree, this script is cool

i have just barley started reading it and it seems really cool. it seems hilarious. it seems a lil like napoleon dynomite. but yea. i'm not really feeling the character narrating thing but i guess it could work. there were a gew gramatical errors but besides that it was pretty cool. i sort of get what "incredible llama" (or whatever they name) is saying it is a little short but thats nothing you cant change. maybe just a little bit more work get some more character adaptation in or just some more activity and you'd have your 90 mins. plus not all movies are 90 mins. some are less and some are more but i do agree a little more context wouldnt hurt. but it was great i'm going to try and finish it soon. great job!

I thought it was funny, but I didn't get how the guys rode their bikes to school and then drove home in their car. But overall, it was pretty good. On a scale of one to ten, I give 8.5.  

I think the word 'American' in a title is so overused.

american history x
american pie
american psycho
etc.

I like your creativity.  However I believe there is some serious editing needed. for example:  I don't see someone who has problems sleeping cutting the cord of their alarm clock with sissors and going back to sleep.  That "shock" act needs some readjustments.  

When we describe summer and spring we know there is a distinct difference.  Do you think there is a "somewhat summer?"  

Bam,Bo Will, Tommy and Amy have to go back and listen to current day public school students.  The conversations have changed dramatically over the years.

Also I didn't get the bit going to school on the bicycle and coming home in a car?????  Few middle or high schoolers use bicycles.  You have some minors editing flaws needed to be clean from the script but you are on the right track.

Lots of re-writes are so necessary in this sort of scripting.  

Keep the faith,
Bill McIntire

i thought that the script was slow to pick up and from what i read was a typical high school movie. go  back and make it funnier what i do is i write down situation and thnik of the funniest thing possible. it wasnt very funny it also had little kid humor and that is ok if your going for a napolene dynamite but i think you should go back and rethink this script.

I have read this screenplay through twice, I think it's really good, and if it was a feature length film I'd pay to go and see it at the cinema. Unlike some of the others i like everything about this screenplay is great. This is mainly because I know what it's like going through school with the popular kids.

I especially like the way the boys get their revenge. I found it was very funny in places.