Ancient Souls - episode 1 Warehouse 365 by Bojan Letic - Series - Laura Hunter came upon the most bizarre and Arcane weapon she and the world have ever seen. Using it, she terrorizes Criminals and felons daily. - doc, format



Ancient Souls - episode 2 The Payback by Bojan Letic - Series - Pimentel is out to kill Dresden Brista. Brista screwed pimentel over for 12 million from their first bank heist, 3 years ago. Brista is going around town after the only witness, who worked at the bank and saw the whole thing, to kill and keep him from confessing. 27 pages - doc, format

Ancient Souls - episode 3 Eden's Raiders by Bojan Letic - Series - When a faction appears calling themselves Eden's Raiders, a bizarre murder at a school and church happen. Laura must find them. This is just a setup for something much bigger. 31 pages - html, format


Ancient Souls - episode 4 'King Arthur's Diamonds' by Bojan Letic - Series - The Diamonds of King Arthur were stolen and the Prepetrator, Penny Wallace, plans to sell them to a Chinese mafia. - doc, format


Ancient Souls - episode 5 Cop Killers by Bojan Letic - Series, Action - In this Episode, a mass Media Corporation is presumed by laura, to be Killing Cops in the City. This is part 1 of 2. - html, format

Ancient Souls - episode 6 Coke Fishing by Bojan Letic - Series, Action - A few Store owners have been petitioned to start smuggling DIamonds, Cocaine and other drugs inside hollow Fishing Poles. Laura and Dumann try to find Brista. The man responsible for a death of his Partner. - html, format

First off I’d like to say it’s good to see a new series that isn’t raped from other franchises, with that said nothing contained within my review is meant to insult, demoralize or affect your choices. I am simply acting as your audience for today and I hope I can be of some help to you.

Now that we got the pleasantries out of the way I noticed everything is bold, I hope this was your choice or a mistake because it’s bad formatting and is a turn off for readers, I’m sorry.

You also seem to do dialogue in a very odd way; in fact it is how people who role-play do it. In Laura’s voice over at the start even though you wrote it the wrong way she says “I is” Instead of it is, spelling error, just thought you should know there are a few.

And those camera directions are killing me, description, my friend, de-script-ion. You give to much detail in your description of characters. You tell us the things that onscreen would never come across without visual stimulation.

You have an INT. of somebody’s desk, what? Shouldn’t it be INT. OFFICE…? Maybe? And everything in scene headings needs to be capitalized… Everything. The synopsis is very misleading as well and the story becomes confusing when the mafia wants a necklace, that’s new. Why would Pimental give all that info so easily is honestly beyond me, we as the audience already know.

Way to short for even a short, 14 pages, it could have been more possibly if you used the correct format. I have to say and suggest a few things now; you have a good series started here if you take the time to make it better. Here’s some free advice on how to make it longer… Write it in proper format; give us some story building scenes for your characters if you want us to love them. Make us care by showing that you care; maybe start the script with a scene that shows what originally happened with the necklace.

I do hope I didn’t waste my time and you don’t either care or aren’t even a member of simply scripts, I support you and your series because if it’s originality and potential.

Good job and good luck in the future.

I really appreciate your Feedback,Wesley_And_The_Curse, and i hope you will find the time to read my Second Episode.

Thank you - Bojan

Definately, when it's posted. It's an interesting premise though this type ofseries would usually be an hour running unless it was a Saturday morning cartoon.

Yes, well on the Second Episode i Explained a lot more on the Warehouse
mixups and about Barton's Leads. I still held off on the history of the Necklace until sometime between the 4th - 6th episodes. If i was to make it a hour long, how many pages do you think i would have to write?

Thank you - Bojan.

about 45 at the least, but if I were you I'd edit the first episode because first impressions are key and if peoplehate episode 1 they usually wont come back even if it gets better.

Well, the first episode was intended as a pilot, or a preview. So the second Episode is actually the First.

You're really beginning to confuse me, both episodes are called Curse of the 3 Souls but they aren't continuations, if you want to have them both called the same thing stick them together or call it something else. It'll get confusing if you don't have titles for your episodes

I'm sorry about the Format, but i don't have Final Draft.

I haven't been able to read much lately, I've had to reformat my pc and I'm feeling a lot of pressure from many angles to get a job so it's kinda taking the times I usually read and throwing me off. But after tomorrow, I'll try and read it

I have a few comments, Bojan.

"BOTTOM LEFT OF SCREEN - FEBRUARY 20, 1989"
Just use SUPER for this kind of stuff. Don´t worry with BOTTOM LEFT or BOTTOM RIGHT. The director will put it wherever he wants anyways.

Camera directions are one of the hugest no-no in screenwriting, unless:
-you are producing and directing this.
-you got a producer who will hire you as the director.

If you´re not in such exceptions, talke away all camera directions. It´s considered to be an amateur attempt to invade the director´s territory. For similar reasons, forget about the music that should be played, and when the opening credits roll. Just focus in telling your story.

Remember that movies are a visual medium. Voice over is usually frowned upon. It´s considered to be a lazy device which shows the writer´s inhability to tell the story which images. It´s better to have an opening scene in which the audience can see Laura finding the necklace, that having her telling the audience what the story is about.

Remove all the bits that cannot be captured by the camera. If you can´t show it, don´t write it. An example: "Dumann is very agile with his Beretta and takes pride in it. He's also very concerned about his looks". How could the audience notice that Dumann is concerned about his looks? The camera can´t show that. If it is relevant to the story, show this with images. Make Dumann to look himself in every mirror he comes across with, make him ask a co-worker if he´s looking good, etc., etc.

I hope I helped. Good luck.

A really good enjoyable script. It's one of the few original premises I've seen in a while. The dialogue was good, and pretty much everything else was good too. Keep up the great work!

Alanah~