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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  Still Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: April 1st, 2005, 10:36pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Still by Steven J. Fauquier - Thriller - A man finds an old page buried under his yard that proclaims whoever remains still for a period of seven days will inherit the power of God.  31 pages - html, format


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  July 21st, 2006, 6:49am
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chism
Posted: April 2nd, 2005, 10:36pm Report to Moderator
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Wow man! This was really really good. I was really glad that you decided to hold out on the Godly powers until right at the end. I was also pleased that there was no huge visual effects sequence like an apocalypse or anything. Just something simple to end it all.

I thought that the twist at the end was well set up. I didn't even notice the clues when they appeared. I guess that's the mark of a good thriller, or at the very least its writer. Anyway, I thought this was really good, definately one of the better shorts that I have come across on this site.

I think it could be a little bit longer though, focusing more on how obsessed Anthony becomes with this page. But I wouldn't change anything else than that, definately not the clues or characters and especially not the ending.

Anyway, good job. I hope you keep making these little short thrillers because they're definately extremely well written and worth checking out. Good luck on your future works.

Cheers, Chism.
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anti
Posted: February 9th, 2006, 7:00pm Report to Moderator
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Once I started reading this, I couldn't stop.  This is very original and clever.  The only thing I would've done different was wait until you had your second draft done before you posted it.

Great job!


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