SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is April 16th, 2024, 11:54am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Apocalyptic Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 3 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Apocalyptic  (currently 1670 views)
Don
Posted: July 9th, 2005, 7:20am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16407
Posts Per Day
1.93
Apocalyptic by Luke - Short, Thriller - When Kevin gets home everything is fine. But the next morning when he wakes up; its vice versa. After being attacked by something, he is knocked out cold and wakes six days later. What's going on? -- A zombie, alien film with a twist. - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
JefferiesLL
Posted: July 10th, 2005, 9:34am Report to Moderator
New



Posts
2
Posts Per Day
0.00
Just a little more information on this script.

This is really my first script. I worte it at first with the intension of it being full length, but changed my mind when ideas ran short and used the ideas i already had only broke them down.

So this is a 100 page script idea broken down into 20.


What are we all writting?
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 5
Martin
Posted: July 11th, 2005, 8:53am Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Frankfurt, Germany
Posts
607
Posts Per Day
0.09
I read through the first page of this. I don't have time to read the whole thing now. A few comments on what I read:

"each filled with a liquefied crystals"  the singular "a" followed by the plural "crystals"

"scientist's across the globe" should be scientists (no apostrophe needed)

"On their on, they begin traveling" should be "on their own"

"setting of an alarm" should be "setting off an alarm"

That's four errors on the first page. More than enough for a producer to stop reading.

These errors aside, the opening scene has a nice hook, I do feel compelled to read more and I will when I'm not at work. The format looks solid but it is kind of off-putting when you spot four errors on the first page of what otherwise looks like a promising script.

Also, I think your logline needs some work
Logged
Private Message Reply: 2 - 5
KenneyP
Posted: July 11th, 2005, 9:51am Report to Moderator
New


Location
Deurne, Belgium
Posts
115
Posts Per Day
0.02
There are quite a few errors yes, like at one moment it should be quiet instead of quite :p
This reminded me too much of other movies in this genre, the narration -> Res. Evil, the waking up bit -> 28 days later. Plus the obvious reference to Kevin Smith ;p
I also didn't thought the vines were too... vicious enough, I mean it was almost like I didn't care what the vines did to the main characters.
All in all I didn't liked it because of the vines, but the dialogue was ok, between Links and Kevin for the most.
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 3 - 5
JefferiesLL
Posted: July 11th, 2005, 12:40pm Report to Moderator
New



Posts
2
Posts Per Day
0.00
It was a quick script. The vines were "agreed" not vicious enough, but aside from that i think the script was solid.

I admit that it has alot of errors, but i didn't think about sorting them out because "like i said" it was just a quick script for a kid who's got WAY TOO MUCH TIME on his hands.

P.S.

I really wasn't copying 28 days later or Resident Evil. I was trying to drive the idea away from the two. I think that's why i might have failed, i spent too much time thinking of fresh ideas to let the reader totally forget about those films.

I think if i put time into a second draft, i could come out with a pretty good script, but i can't be bothered. Right now i'm on a whole new project.

I'm making a short film that someone wrote and has gave me permission to shoot.

Thanks for the feedback. When i get a new script i'll take your advice on the spell checking.


What are we all writting?

Revision History (1 edits)
JefferiesLL  -  July 11th, 2005, 12:43pm
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 5
darthbrion
Posted: May 28th, 2006, 1:24pm Report to Moderator
New


I'm seriously troubled.....

Location
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Posts
132
Posts Per Day
0.02
cool little story, although you had a ton of typos that just jumped out at you as you read.

* Spoilers *

The "Kid" talked better than I do.  Then again I live in Oklahoma...I dunno it just seemed weird that he would talk like that.

Your main character is named "Kevin Smith" nice tip of the hat.

The monster / vine / zombie thing was cool but it reminded me to much of the old movie The Thing.  

Anyway overall I did enjoy reading it just work on the spelling man.

brion
Logged Offline
Private Message AIM Reply: 5 - 5
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006