Dead Case by James Anthony McSloy - Horror, Film Noir - A classic film noir tale brought into the present day, in which suspended cop Harvey Dawkings is called back onto the force to investigate the death of crime boss Tony Domingo’s wife. Dawkings must travel to the poor district of town to investigate the murder. But when a mysterious drug named Reaper keeps creeping into the case Dawkings discovers there’s more to this case than just a simple case of murder. - html, format

Hey there this is the writer of Dead Case here. Thank You for reading the nearly final draft of the script. Now that you have read it I would be interested in hearing what you thought of the script. The reason being is that this script is being made into a short film in JAN-FEB and any comment would be taken onboard when I write the final draft. Thank you again...

Anthony McSloy

You can also contact me on jamesmcsloy@aol.com

Thanks.

Anthony, I see that you've only posted three times since you registered in Aug '04, and all those have been to ask others to read your scripts. This board really doesn't work that way. Your script will get much more attention if you make some effort to become active on this forum. If you just dump your scripts off here and don't read anyone else's you can't really expect any feedback.

You have three posts -- one on each of your scripts, without so much as a response to those who commented on your previous work.  In general, those that read and comment on the scripts of others tend to get their own work read.  It's kind of a "community" thing.  Just putting that out there, you know?

I read this anyway, though, since it's kinda' short, and I have a couple of spoiler-free comments:

*  Your first scene with Dawkings may have a little too much V.O. for my tastes, but since you are going for a noir feel here, keeping some of it seems appropriate.  But a little V.O. goes a long way, though, and what you've got now feels like overkill.
*  You cut from Dawkings' apartment to his car without a new slug, which is awkward.  And this is followed by a "Continuous", which makes it even more confusing.
*  The character of Harris is much too contrived as you have it now.  That is my prinicple comment here.  You need to introduce him -- somewhere -- earlier.  When you have a character pop up at the end, some stranger we have never met before, with a lengthy explanation as to what is really going on -- well, it's a device that seldom works.

So that's the dime-store review.  Good luck with your filming.

He pulls the trigger but the gun jams.

At that moment, it felt so real! I thought something like that would happen... but it still suprised me.

Hey. Thanks for the posts. I am taking everything that has been said and using it for my final draft of the script, which will, hopefully, be completed this weekend. This is actually going to get made as a short for my final project at university. It is all going well so far and we have started test footage on it.

Berticus, thanks for pointing out the lack of slug-line between Dawkings at his house and him driving. That was a typo, which I missed. The reason Harris is introduced so soon is that we have a 20-30 minute limit on the short film. I would have easy been able to write a 1.5 hour story with more character development, but couldn't.

Thanks again. Ant