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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Gotta Love This Life Moderators: bert
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  Author    Gotta Love This Life  (currently 2513 views)
Don
Posted: December 3rd, 2005, 10:20am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Gotta Love This Life by Cindy - Comedy - This is the life of one girl growing up.  She experiences negativity all of her life but eventually overcomes it and somehow learns to make the best of what life throws her way. - doc, format


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CindyLKeller
Posted: December 3rd, 2005, 1:45pm Report to Moderator
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Another Cindy?  
And yet another script that I cannot seem to open.

Well, good luck with it.
Cindy L. Keller


Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
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koeniggy
Posted: December 4th, 2005, 1:20am Report to Moderator
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thank you for trying to lookat my script.  this is the biggest move i have made with it so far; it makes me excited and nervous at the same time.  i have got some bad feedback .  i can now see where it needs some improvements.  i have ideas running through my head on so many other scripts, but i have no idea how to write one.  that was meant to be funny.  i have an idea i am just not very good at it yet.  i would love an experienced cowriter.  my script is registered with the wga.  i know having a script float around is unsafe, but i get no help just sitting in my little hole, i wanted to try internet groups.  the movie is more of a satire and i need to edit several lengthy parts.  after searching this site, i realized some people do not want to hear of your inexperience. i am learning a lot of tips just from searching the site.  if i can get a readable link, i am hoping to get a view of the whole concept of what i wrote (does it hold water) then pick it apart for unnecessary content.
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kayjaydeegee
Posted: January 28th, 2006, 10:43am Report to Moderator
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I would suggest the following:



-Invest in script writing software. It will help you track scenes, characters and repeated words like “depressed” or “f**k” or “get a job” for overuse. Even “Hollywood Scriptwriter” at $40 would give you a starting place.

-Delete the songs until you have rock solid dialogue. The "Sleepless in Settle" format is great if you have a top-notch narrative flow. You will have to work 10 times harder but it will improve your story. To depend on a script reader to feel the same way you do about a particular song to convey meaning in your story is taking a risk.

-The multiple scenes with babysitters gets old; it could be trimmed down to just a series of doors being opened to new babysitters and the mother saying “Hello, Suzi” or “Your making me late gain, Debi” or “Stay off the phone, Lisa” and make two very notable like the one with the pervert boyfriend and the older southern lady.

-You started with an interesting idea at the beginning between God and Shelby – what become of it? This could be used from time to time regarding Shelby and staying busy.

-Is Shelby supposed to be a lovable loser? If so, have her start a great but small business with her settlement money, realize a small success only to have her dreams dashed when a larger business shuts her down or a really great, solid finally guy ask her out, but stands her up because he has a piece of Skylab fall on his head and he lapse into a coma. In other words, invent reasons to make her likeable and cringe over her foibles and missed chances.

-Delete cliché jokes and concentrate on being funnier, more original. Again, here is where the work comes in with a better potential pay-off for your script.

-Dial down the beating with the belt to swat on butt and a timeout in the corner. This is a comedy and that is too harsh and ugly. Dad could also use making the kid’s scrub the bathroom with a tiny brush or locking himself in the car to get away from them.

-Same with the erection scene to something less gross and more silly like a babysitter’s boyfriend being caught with Mom’s underwear or trying on her clip on earrings and wig on.

-Stay at it and keep working towards your goal!

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