SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 9:11pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  Dark Magic Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Dark Magic  (currently 3685 views)
Don
Posted: December 10th, 2005, 9:20am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Dark Magic by Matthew Ruby - Horror - Heather Baker lives in South Carolina along with her two close friends, Ian and Carrie. Living in South Carolina should be cheap, but Heather is living within the city and is paying a bundle for rent. Her friends talk her into moving to a place much cheaper so she won't have to work double time and have more time for some fun. So Heather takes their advice. She finds an ad in the paper about a room for rent in a huge victorian house. Heather jumps on the offer. It's only her first night there and weird things happen. Windows shattering, creeping doors, and shadows in the hallway of her bedroom. She soon finds out that someone living within the house is using magic against her. Someone who is casting harmful spells against Heather for certain reasons. What starts out to be very good soon turns into sheer horror. With an ending that will leave you shocked. - rtf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  January 1st, 2006, 5:59pm
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
bert
Posted: December 10th, 2005, 6:06pm Report to Moderator
Administrator


Buy the ticket, take the ride

Location
That's me in the corner
Posts
4232
Posts Per Day
0.61
I was kind of disappointed to work my way through this story only to find out that this was a half-baked knock-off of "Skelton Key".  As such, I don't feel like making a ton of comments on this, as it is virtually unmarketable on the heels of that film.

But I will give you this.  If you are writing a story with witchcraft or voo-doo or whatever -- it is called a "pentaGRAM" -- not a "pentagon".  Do at least a little research, for pete's sake.  I mean, that is pretty basic stuff...


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 18
mwr311
Posted: December 10th, 2005, 6:17pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Washington, DC
Posts
64
Posts Per Day
0.01
lol...did i say pentagon...lol...thats hilarious...i will admit that it's like skeleton key but only to a certain point...but anyway thanks for the comment...ur like the only one i see commenting nowadays.
Logged Offline
Private Message AIM Reply: 2 - 18
bert
Posted: December 10th, 2005, 9:14pm Report to Moderator
Administrator


Buy the ticket, take the ride

Location
That's me in the corner
Posts
4232
Posts Per Day
0.61
Hey, you have a pretty good attitude about what was some pretty grumpy criticism.  Let me jump back on this thread and say a few more things, alright?

This story did not suck, OK?  There is worse (lots worse) out there.  A lot of the dialogue wasn't half bad, and your three female leads (Heather, Alice, and Madeline) were distinct characters.  I had a good sense of all of them while reading this.

If you were to lose the old, "disabled" guy upstairs, you could distance yourself from "Skeleton Key" a bit, I think.  He is not integral to the story, and really doesn't do much until the very end.  See if you can make this story work without him.

But I'll repeat the criticism about research with the "witchy" stuff.  That is what separates these kind of stories.  Look at "Mabon", another recent story in Horror.  I didn't like it that much, really, but parts of it, during the witchcraft scenes -- some of the details and the chants themselves -- it "felt" authentic, as if the author had at least a working knowledge of Wiccan rituals.  I am no expert, so maybe it was all made up, but those scenes worked because the details rang true.

With the internet, it doesn't take too long to make sure your details are in order, so there is really no excuse not to do that.  It can only improve your story.  Good luck with this if you decide to rework it, or if you decide to move on to something new.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 3 - 18
mwr311
Posted: December 11th, 2005, 12:28am Report to Moderator
New



Location
Washington, DC
Posts
64
Posts Per Day
0.01
Awesome...Yeah I'll try it...thank you for reading it...you have no idea how much I appreciate it...by the way...what did you think about the ending? Was it a shock to find out who died? I wanted it to be that way. Let's keep in touch. You give awesome feed back...and thanks for the compliments. There was actually two versions of the scripts I had...I'll tell you about the other one later. Seeya.
Logged Offline
Private Message AIM Reply: 4 - 18
bert
Posted: December 11th, 2005, 10:59am Report to Moderator
Administrator


Buy the ticket, take the ride

Location
That's me in the corner
Posts
4232
Posts Per Day
0.61
You mean at the very, very end?  Yeah, that was OK.  It might be one of those things that works better after the credits.  A little surprise tacked onto the very end.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 5 - 18
mwr311
Posted: December 13th, 2005, 9:13pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Washington, DC
Posts
64
Posts Per Day
0.01
I'm going to work on it a little more...do you have any suggestions for a new title?
Logged Offline
Private Message AIM Reply: 6 - 18
mwr311
Posted: December 16th, 2005, 2:27am Report to Moderator
New



Location
Washington, DC
Posts
64
Posts Per Day
0.01
ok...so i redid the entire thing and i must say that i should pat myself on the back...lol...i think this is one of the best scripts that i have ever written...ill send it in for yall
Logged Offline
Private Message AIM Reply: 7 - 18
I_M
Posted: December 27th, 2005, 2:03am Report to Moderator
New


Think again.

Location
California
Posts
131
Posts Per Day
0.02
I like the prologue. It's very fast paced and keeps you guessing. But the thing I don't get is when Cathy hangs up the phone for no reason when she was just talking to someone for help and then banging occurs on the doors. Huh?

It is a a clone of "Skeleton Key." But I'm still reading, so I'll keep on commenting.


Fear Friday: some students will die to survive a twisted killer. Coming soon.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 18
mwr311
Posted: January 4th, 2006, 9:02pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Washington, DC
Posts
64
Posts Per Day
0.01
cool...thanks for the comment...havent been on in awhile cause i just got back to the dorm from winter break...please lemme know ur thoughts
Logged Offline
Private Message AIM Reply: 9 - 18
I_M
Posted: January 4th, 2006, 10:25pm Report to Moderator
New


Think again.

Location
California
Posts
131
Posts Per Day
0.02
Oh. Second Draft.

The first comment I made was for the first draft. Now I will comment on the second draft:

*spoilers*

1. I like the prologue. It was suprisingly chilling and it was much more informative than the first one. I like how the dark magic was shown in the beginning so the character could understand how it works right from the start. And then it moves on to Cathy Moore, and that part had a smoother sequence and that was good.

2. I see that you made 'Alice' the grandmother...that was different, but it was much more original that making Heather meeting a stranger. It works perferctly how Heather  is having a birthday. So it gives us more info on the timing and events.

I'll continue commenting later because I'm reading and commenting at the sametime. I'll keep on reading.

E.T.


Fear Friday: some students will die to survive a twisted killer. Coming soon.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 18
mwr311
Posted: January 5th, 2006, 2:23pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Washington, DC
Posts
64
Posts Per Day
0.01
Thank you so much. Your comments are greatly appreciated.
Logged Offline
Private Message AIM Reply: 11 - 18
mwr311
Posted: January 5th, 2006, 10:47pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Washington, DC
Posts
64
Posts Per Day
0.01
Anyone else check this out. Because I'm putting together a crew to get one of my films made and I am considering this one. So, please let me know what you think guys.
Logged Offline
Private Message AIM Reply: 12 - 18
TC Taylor
Posted: January 6th, 2006, 2:42am Report to Moderator
New


Abstract

Location
South Carolina
Posts
121
Posts Per Day
0.02
I seen South Carolina, and I was like WHAT! We have voodoo!??

We have the KKK, but as far as Voodoo, we lack in that department.

I'll give this a read when I get the time.  I promise!


MySpace:

http://www.myspace.com/spyderman_greywolf

WORKING ON:

Nothing....*sigh*
Logged Offline
Private Message AIM YIM Reply: 13 - 18
mwr311
Posted: January 6th, 2006, 3:00am Report to Moderator
New



Location
Washington, DC
Posts
64
Posts Per Day
0.01
Well, in the second draft it really doesn't mention where it takes place anymore. lol. But I hope you still enjoy it.
Logged Offline
Private Message AIM Reply: 14 - 18
 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Horror Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006