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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Thriller Scripts  /  Playback
Posted by: Don, February 27th, 2004, 12:16am
Playback by Dillon Flynn - Thriller, Mystery - A short film involving three players, a bizarre occurance, and a complicated web of lies.  Survival of the wisest... - html** format.
Posted by: Old Time Wesley, April 1st, 2004, 5:26pm; Reply: 1
Hey Dillon I'd like to say this screenplay starts of with some good dialogue but this one little thing

MARTIN
You're late. My client's in the bathroom.

Bathroom sounds like something a teenager would say to a friend while they were at a table eating dinner, maybe again it's just me and my nit pic thing but maybe think of the alternatives ie: Washroom or maybe My client will be right back

I'm finished the script, I have to say it's the same thing 3 times just with voice overs on each

Although it is good it just feels too short, like you didn't know what was going to happen. The ending to be brutally honest sucks and the dialogue in the ending is not the best

Maybe you might want to re write this, take my advice and change the ending, give us a little more
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