This is your life by Jason Byram - Drama - It's the first day of Junior High School and Jeffrey and Michelle are in for a shock once they're thrown into the world of sex, drugs and voilent, and it's more shocking, when they're all their age. - html format.

Three Words:

HOLY F***ING S***.

I don't understand...

It just seems pretty bruatal. The mother beating her daughter and then getting urine and vomit on her and yelling all those insults.

it tends to occur in these screenplays lol

Yep, they're all full of brutality. lol.

So... does anyone (whore the former scripts) think this is worse/better/boring/unbelievable than the other scripts?

Feedback, please.

I tried just picking a random spot to start reading this.  I picked six random spots.  In each one, a different nasty thing was happening, sometimes disgusting.  Snorting coke, smoking this and that, screwing--burning kittens?!  

Come on.

i read the original, and only have time right now to read the first few lines, and i think it's better. but dude.... and I didn't read that part, but...  BURNING KITTENS?! thats kinda cold

I know... but it's only script. But really sick people do actually do that, around Halloween they throw animals into a fire.

[in my best Dana Carvey doing Johnny Carson voice]:

I did not know that.

I have no clue who those people are. Sorry.

Normally, I read ten to twelve pages of a script before reviewing it, but I couldn't get past page four.

In regards to the formatting, you've got this all wrong.  Your action descriptions are all wrong.  On page one, you describeMichelle and Jeffrey as 'Both have never taken a drug... will have in store for them.'  How is the camera supposed to show this?

You later introduce Amy as Jeffrey's wild, pill-popping sister.  How does the camera show this with someone who's supposedly asleep?

Later on, you use the phrase, "We hear a few sounds of someone in pain."  What sounds are these?  Crying?  Moaning?  Screaming?

If the camera can't show it, you don't describe it.  

Onto the story....

I'm under the impression that you wrote this just to shock people.  There's no story here, just violence.


Phil

I'm just wondering as a fellow member and writer like many on these boards why if so many people say it's bad or somethings just too much why you don't cut it out or revise it and tone down the violence so you can actually reach an audience

Bruce said something about getting vomit and urine on someone, you could never get anyone to act this stuff out and if you could there some sick people. If not even 1 person says it's good than I'd think about doing something new or toning down the stuff that's physically apauling

I will get around to reading this, maybe later tonight at least some of it but it seems as if you could make it appealing if you toned down the violence

I know no-one here agrees with it, but I really like that fact that I shock people. What? It's a kick? Anyways, I've given up on this, there was gonna 3 parts like the other and whatever. I'm actually working on drama/comedy now.

From what I hear from reading these posts, your script is based on shock value. Unless you have a story and something to say, you should really reevaluate why you write screenplays. If you write just to shock, while then you should look for another career.

Career?! Are you crazy? Writing is for fun and no-one said you can't post scripts for fun and serious work. And if you didn't read the script, sorry, why are you reading the posts? Sad...

I read about five pages and couldn't read anymore.
It's not sad that I'm reading the posts, what's sad is that you write to shock.
Your scripts listed under drama, but it's so over the top, the audience can't care about the characters.

Quoted from Jason Byram, posted October 31st, 2004, 9:04am at here Career?! Are you crazy? Writing is for fun and no-one said you can't post scripts for fun and serious work. And if you didn't read the script, sorry, why are you reading the posts? Sad...

I read a few pages, which is probably as far as most people will read.  Reading stuff like this doesn't shock me; it annoys me.  I would rather read what people think on this discussion board than read your script.

And then there's the poor formatting....


Phil

Thank you all for your comments. They were greatly accepted. I love my fans.

There's really no reason you should be proud of just shocking people, it isn't that hard.  Anyone can shock someone by just going over the top and doing/saying things that are taboo in society.  At the end of the day your script is the equivilent of a geek show where you are simply horrifying the audience by seeing just how far your characters will go over the line of decency.

Being shocking can be a useful tool in writing...look at the Exorcist, a great film, but in it's day it was outrageously shocking.  But it's all about where you take the story after the shock wears off.

All you've created is scene after scene of people being 'outrageous'. And like you said, writing should be a fun thing (I totaly agree), but what's the fun in having people taken aback by your writing.  You should use writing as a way to let people into your imagination, and if these are the kinds of thoughts you have in your head, I sincerely hope I never meet you.

It shows your immaturity as a writer.