Pumpkinhead 3: Hell Hath No Fury by Daren Higham (Wolfsfang) - Horror - Pumpkinhead is comjured once again when a group of kids accidently run over and kill a small girl. - doc, format 8)

Yes D.Writer is me. I use that name on other sites and it was on one of these sites that I got the idea for thsi sstory so I used that name.

I have made it half way through the script. It's a pretty good read so far. Not to many complaints. But I am not to fond of the dialouge. It just doesnt seem realistic, ya know. And some of it is just too cliche.



(SPOILERS)
I also think you could add a little more character work in. I didnt really care if the father or the daughter died. I mean it would suck for anyone to die but I didnt really care for these characters. It was like when you hear that someone died while watching the news. Your sorry for the pain the family must be in, but you are not really that upset about it. I think you should do more with the daughter character before she dies. Make the audience feel at least a portion of the love for her that the mother does. And make the audience feel what the mother is feeling when she dies.

Still a good read though. I will finish it later.

But thats only my opinion. Do with it what you will.

That's the point of these films isn't it. to make them as cliched as possible and to make sure the audience doesn't care about the characters, how elese do you explain films like scream or I know what you did last summer, lol. The story was more about Pumpkinhead then the people because he is my favourite horror character ever.

Still thanks for the response and I will see what I can do about fixing it.  

I liked the characters in Scream, or two of them at least which I think is what helped make it more intense. I Know What You Did Last Summer was a waste of time and money. I think that in all good horror you have to have some conection to the characters and if not you dont care if they get stalked and/or killed. At least I dont.

I remember the first Pumpkinhead. I really liked it mainly because the character Ed seemed so real. I understood what he was going through (because the writers made sure we understood). The teens in the film were also a little more fleshed out. You got to see those characters portrayed in realistic ways and that made the horror all that more scary. It part 2, everything went down hill. I didnt give a crap about anyone in the film and was either falling asleep or laughing when I was supposed to scared.

I think your script has more potential than becoming just another crappy sequel that collects dust in the back of a video store. There are just some things that would need a little fixing.

And I understand that the story is mainly about Pumpkinhead. But it's also about the human characters. Without the humans, Pumpkinhead would never be released to kill.


Please dont take what I am saying too personally. I still like the script. I'm just trying to give you advise that I hope will help you out.

Don't worry i don't take it personally and I understand what you mean about characters being important to the film.  I will try and flesh them out more and make the family more real, if you have any suggestions for doing so i would listen to them.

Also I would just like to point out that I wrote this about a year ago and only posted it becuase I found it hidden in my c drive and thought i might as well so to tell teh truth i can't remember that much about it.  I guess I'll have to re-read it and see what I can do to fix it.

What's up with the subtitled second name "Hell Hath No Fury" Why can't you just call it Pumpkinhead 3? I think the name is the first impression and if it's overly made to make it sound better than it leaves a bad impression... I believe every horror sequel has to have this second name.

To be brutally honest I hate it, the extra names in these types of scripts. I've always wanted to know who pumpkinhead was so I'll read some of the script sometime this week but I just wanted to say that about the names before hand.

I told you I wanted to read it and I read about half so far. So, I hope nothing contained within here offends you because it's not meant to. I was stricktly coming from me to you as a reader. And you should either use your name, Wolfsgang or anything but D. Writer on your scripts, it looks weird.

At the beginning the narrators talking is a little unpolished, you know? I'll try to explain what I mean, it doesn't read as smoothly as it should or could. (Most likely changing a word here and there)

Onscreen that beginning would be very entertaining and cool, so in that I give you kudos. Really, there's not buts at all it would just work. The problem in that on the other hand is that you don't own the rights to the characters and well that kinda blows.

Although it fells like a directors draft because you use "WE" a lot which isn't right but I guess it doesn't matter... It works.

A few spelling mistakes in the first scene with Claire and Lucy. Also Michael calls Richard "Rich" so in that you don't need it in your description. I noticed you space a little too much at times during cuts but other times not at all.

You should read a script by Ian (Writer of Reprisal) He is unofficially a genius in horror, he sets up his characters very good. Your characters are whiney, immature and a little dumb if you ask me... Not that they aren't believable because we all know people are whiney, immature and a little dumb so maybe they work for some and not others.

I haven't found myself pulled in by any of these characters yet accept Miss Harkwell; I'm kinda rooting for them all to die at this point.

Let’s write in a new character who we'll call Wesley, so they're heading for Frank and Lucy and this Wesley guy jumps out with superhuman strength and stops the car with his enormous hairy penis. And hit credits, the end give you a Walter... Maybe.

Okay, fine. That's a dumb idea but Pumpkinhead may not be as scary as an enormous hairy penis monster named Wesley who is dressed like a pirate wearing lingerie. Sorry, I got off topic there...

How could they continue driving the car if it was in an accident? You don't make any mention that they changed cars or anything so I assume they're driving the same one. Where are all the kids’ families? Wouldn't they have been contacted in this a serious situation? Why would they still go to a cabin? It seems they're only going so that you can kill them.

I just don't get it, Claire's angry but this? She has her daughter’s dead body and she's going to do this. I think you should skip ahead a few days, have a funeral or something significant so that she can build up anger, hatred and sad emotions... It doesn't work in the script or in a film, for me anyway. Otherwise she's a sick, twisted, mental bit*h.

I mean how can she have just suffered in a couple hours, come on. That's why I suggested having some time go by, maybe even put this Miss. Harkwell stuff at the beginning, it kinda fits into your opening sequence than you can go to the kids and have already planted some seeds of what’s to come.

She drives her truck to the cemetery and Miss Harkwell kinda made it clear she had to walk and you called the truck a car ha-ha.

Too add it's okay so far, it never gets boring like some screenplays but some things feel way out there like I said in the above.

Thanks I'll make all those changes when I do the rewrite.  Funny how you don't notice those obvious mistakes when you write it, probably because you get to close and you need a fresh pair of eyes to see what is wrong.

As for D.Writer I had put that name on there when i wrote in a year ago and just never change dit, I didn't notice it was still on there until after Don had posted it.

Also this was really just an exercise and I have no intention of submitting it any where so not owning the character should be fine.