Rabid: Part 1 by Chris Rhives (Ziggy_W) - Series, Horror - A infection breaks out in a small American town. - html, format 8)

This is sort of my contributing to the zombie genre. It's pretty B and should be taken that way, I'm going for more of an outlandish "Raimi" angle, rather then the socialially and politically aware "Romero" type script.

This is a mini series that should run a couple of episodes and then I'll release it as a feature length script with more a few scenes changed and what not.

Hope you guys enjoy it.

That kinda makes no sense, especially if the full length script is the mini series just extended. In which case the mini series will do what Andrew's does where it ends each part up in the air.

I don't mind as long as you build your characters, I'll try and read it later (Have some company coming soon)

No, it's not extended just an alternative version. Each part does end on a cliffhanger and what not, and unlike Freak's "The Undead", (a great series which I'm sad didn't work out) this focuses on a few select groups rather then the infestation in general.

Possible Spoilers... Don't read on













Hope this helps

How come you break up the action so much? With the 2 agents you have a line and than space than another line than space and so on. Plus there are a couple extra spaces between words that should either be comas or something.

You keep calling the agents control 1 and 2, on purpose or an accident?

I'm not a huge fan of this formatting, it may be right but it's too hard to read smoothly.

You aren't describing your characters and are writing this as a shooting draft of sorts, we're not supposed to be reading the shooting draft if that's the case.

So, Barbara never even comes on screen officially according to the script, maybe that was a mistake or maybe she's off-screen in which case it should say that beside her name.

His mother, ANNETTE, 34 and haggard looking walks towards him. - What goes after looking?

I honestly believe something happened when you converted this script, have you checked this version over because there seems to be spaces where there shouldn't be. Some of the dialogue is even messed up and spaced onto the next line. I thought you should know.

Do schools actually have to ask the parents to take a very sick child to the hospital? Seems a little drastic especially if it's serious.

Okay, so here's what I think, it's starting way too early. In the feature length you should have a full day go by before any of this happens, let us see Russell in action and not have you telling us what he’s like (You can't do that in a real film) People seem to do this a lot, it's kind of cheating the audience out of the characters.

So, all in all it's a pretty good first half just has a few errors which I’ve talked about above. Those errors bring it down but when or if fixed it will be much better and easier to read.

Good job man.

i loved it so much. It was really good. I think ....man it was good. Keep writing more.

I will.

And Wes, the control 1 and 2 were their original names, I just forgot to change them. And yes, the format did kind of get screwed up when I transfered it...

About the school, yeah if a student in your class started puking his guts out, 10 to 1 you'd call the hospital, right.

This one is fun.  I like the way it jumps from place to place without getting too bogged down in any one scenario.  It helps keep the pace nice and quick, which is what I suspect you are going for.

"Wesley" is right that you need to develop your characters, but I disagree that you need a full day of character development prior to the action.  There is nothing wrong with jumping right into it, as long as you do NOT forget to develop them along the way -- and with ACTIONS (that always speak louder than words).

And some of your characters are already good.  I love Mr. Monroe, and hope he is not gone TOO quickly (although he is certainly gone...).  And by the way, the school's treatment of Charlie is perfectly sound.  I assumed they had 911 on one line and Mom on the other.

Good, fun stuff.  Some quickies:
*  (From Wesley's post)  The term you want is "haggard-looking", with a hypen.
*  I was concerned that you had an alarm and a record player with no power, and  coffee without water, in the book-store guy's house.
*  The first zombie "breaks free" with a "jerk"?  Hell, man...it's a zombie.  Have it rip its whole hand off!
   

Thanks for the reveiw, Bert.

Yeah, the next draft will have some of the errors corrected, it'll be a bit gorier, and will have more character development. I'm glad people are enjoying the series.

This series is great. I loved it.

Ok, I'm going back and revising this. So hopefully in about a month I'll have a feature length script for people to reveiw.