Ms. Baseball by Winston LaCroix - Drama, Family, Comedy - Ms. Baseball will make you cheer and make you cry.  Samantha, and her Coach Rick, will change baseball forever as this teenage girl is called up to play professional baseball.  Both must endure great hardships on their paths to the majors. - pdf, format 8)

I read the first part of this script and found two major problems with it.  The first is your on-the-nose dialogue.  In the first few lines, you laid everything out regarding what's going on with Samantha.  There's no reason to lay it out for us like this.  Tell us only enough information to keep us interested.  Keep the rest for later.

The second problem concerns your dialogue.  Everything was like something out of a Hallmark card.  Dad saying, "Love...is like a beautiful flower.  The more sunshine and water you give it, like the Love we share, the more the plant grows..."  At best, it was corney.

It seemed like you told us every play in the baseball game, which made it very long.

Lenny's monologue on pp. 8 & 9 was extremely long and you described absolutely no action during it.  Was everyone just standing like statues during this?

Some things to think about.


Phil