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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Screenwriting Class  /  Crimson Moon
Posted by: Chris_MacGuffin, May 18th, 2005, 2:03pm
This is a slasher script treatment I wrote and I'm looking for someone to adapt a script out of it.

If you want to write a slasher, here's a treatment I wrote a while back. Enjoy.
"Crimson Moon"
by Chris Rhives

We open with an ordinary day in a typical American small town, Audrey sends her son off to school, and heads off to work at the café. There she runs into Sebastian, basically the romantic interest in the story, you know. Anyhow during these casual moments, which at the longest should only take up 10 minutes of the script, preferably less, a figure (later on called "Crimson") begins to stalk her and her son. Finally after school lets out for her son, I haven’t figured out a name for him yet, he’s grabbed by a figure driving a black Cadillac or Hearst, or whatever type of mysterious car you have for filming. He drives past her house and chucks the backpack onto the ground, a note tacked on the front explaining that she has three days and nights ( the span of the "Crimson Moon") to find her son in the woods, it also mentions not to call the police. Nervous, Audrey calls Sebastian and he comes to her house (at this point their relation is solely platonic) they talk about what to do and invite Leon and May and Jerry. Leon and May show up at her house, Jerry doesn’t. They all decide that although it probably isn’t the best idea to go into the woods, it’s the only one they got. I guess here you could insert a montage, something with a comedic edge to it, of them packing their stuff, weapons , clothes, and other paraphernalia. Here I think a cut to of her son locked in a room with Crimson outside, putting on his mask and costume (though you still don‘t see his face), may work, I dunno depends on how the film pace goes. Either way, as morning comes the group, Audrey, Leon, May, and Sebastian gather their stuff to put in the car. The come to the car and as they place their stuff inside, they find Jerry sleeping in the back. (I sort of imagine him as a stoner type character, though that could change) Thus the group heads out to the woods. I’d actually like the car ride to sort of show what each type of character is going to be like, you know. The main thing in this scene is to establish small talk and conversation and possibly banter between certain characters. Also during this drive they spot the car that "Crimson" drives past them. Anyhow after a long drive they arrive at the outskirts of the woods. During this time I want to have the sense that "Crimson" is watching them. They begin their trek into the woods passing many strange emblems and what not hanging off trees. Finally they arrive at a clearing with a scarecrow in the center. After a brief scare Jerry kicks off the scarecrow’s head. Later on they site around camp, discussing and setting up a system for how they are going to search for Audrey’s son. Before Sebastian is finished explaining, Jerry has left. We cut to him outside the camp a ways looking for a joint he dropped, he wanders into a pentagram where he runs into "Crimson" who jumps down from the tree and hacks him, the last shot in the scene is of "Crimson" pulling him up it the tree. We then cut to the group searching for him again as they search and draw closer to his remains they begin to see cryptic messages. They come to the spot where "Crimson" had killed him, on the ground they find his shoes, covered in blood, on the tree written in blood is "Look Up" they do and to their horror find hacked up body parts hanging from the tree on ropes. Horrified the group heads back to camp. There the scarecrow now has it’s head back on, though flies mill around it. Curious, Leon heads over to check it out, he pulls of the "mask" and finds Jerry’s head (though it’s actually "Crimson" wearing a skin mask, ala "Leatherface".) They back away from it to afraid to even touch it. Later on at night, they sit around a campfire thinking about what to do. As they fall asleep, we see "Crimson" move in the background. As the sun rises, they find cryptic messages sprawled across their campsite and the scarecrow is gone.
They search the woods a bit more. I guess a chase between Crimson, and the others would work here, although at this point nobody dies, many of them come close, though through traps set up by "Crimson" and him stalking them. This is pretty much the part of the script where Sebastian professes his love for Audrey. Great timing, huh? Either way this leads to Leon making some sarcastic remark and then getting hit by hidden Punjab spikes ( I think that’s what they’re called, I could be wrong, though) The group looks on, terrified, slowly May turns around and runs face to face with "Crimson." He raises his knife to hack her, brings it down and then stops inches from her head. He walks over towards Leon, pulls his corpse off the spikes, and carries him off. The three left look on in horror, unmoving, as "Crimson" drags the corpse off, purposely leaving a trail for them to follow. Group stands there stunned, I think Sebastian could say something like
"I think he wants us to follow", something to add a moment of comedic relief.
Basically, it ends with them finding a house in the woods with Charlie locked in a room. They’re chased through the house and what not until "Crimson" is killed and Audrey, Sebastian, and Charlie escape.
Hope you like it, it could be really creepy, something in the vein of "Texas Chainsaw Massacare" and "House of a 1,000 Corpses", I'm just trying to help, you know.


“Crimson Moon”

FADE IN:

EXT. TOWN – MORNING

We open to a bucolic suburban setting, a bright day dawning on the old.
A kid rids his bicycle down the street hap hazardously chucking papers from a sack hanging down by his side.
H drives past a large hearse, glances at it for a moment, it's tinted windows stand cold in the hot summer heat.
He rides on. He passes a small house, he chucks it towards the door. It lands dead-smash in the center. A dog barks.

CUT TO:

INT. AUDREY”S HOUSE – MORNING

A small  dog barks at the door. AUDREY, mid 20's sits up from the couch where she sleeps on  an impromptu bed.

AUDREY
Christ on a stick dog, shut up.

The dog stops for a sec and looks over.  Audrey falls back on the couch.

The dog barks once again and she throws a pillow at him. He skimpers away.
She turns on her side. The TV is flicked on.

AUDREY (CONT'D)
What now.

Her son, Charlie sits on the floor, a bowl of ceral next to him, watching tv.

AUDREY
What are you doing up?

CHARLIE
I had a bad dream.

AUDREY
Again?

CHARLIE
Yeah.

Audrey sits up, dishevielled looking and hagrid.

(continue)

Notes:

Have a Dario Argento feel to Crimson, almost ritualistic in his killings, perhaps even sacrificial.
Establish strong bound between Charlie and Audrey, and what not.
Posted by: Alan_Holman (Guest), May 30th, 2005, 6:58pm; Reply: 1
Interesting.  If a scriptwriter wanted to use this, would you be mad if that person changed a few things from the original story?`
Posted by: Old Time Wesley, May 30th, 2005, 9:31pm; Reply: 2
If you have it all thought out and all why not write it or co write it with someone?
Posted by: Chris_MacGuffin, June 3rd, 2005, 1:55pm; Reply: 3
Alan, I wouldn't mind if a few things were changed. I wanted to created a "slasher" that breaks the norm, you know, the names would probably have to be changed, since I just typed the first thing to come to mind, which subsequently are the same names as the characters in "Good Try, We Don't Like It".

Alan, if you're interested in writing this, perhaps I could help do a quick rewrite or something, you know. This was written to be shot on an almost zero-budget.

Just PM me what you had in mind, alright.
Posted by: Chris_MacGuffin, June 9th, 2005, 1:46pm; Reply: 4
Yeah, I've begun just drafting this. Its actually better then I thought it'd be, you know. Slashers aren't usually my genre, but this may be an exception.
Posted by: Alan_Holman (Guest), June 20th, 2005, 9:39pm; Reply: 5
I only asked so the answer would be here conveniently for any passers-by who may be interested.  It's a habit from when I did some stuff at a local radio station.  But ... hmm ... now that you mention it, this is definately a project I'd consider tackling if I weren't already bogged down by a lot of my own stuff.  
Posted by: Chris_MacGuffin, July 3rd, 2005, 3:14am; Reply: 6
I know what you mean.
Posted by: Chris_MacGuffin, August 23rd, 2005, 2:00am; Reply: 7
Appearently, a good friend of Alan's has offered to write this, so I'm gonna focus on "Beyond the Red Door" being mine and Sarah's co-project, if we have time that is.
Posted by: jerdol, February 4th, 2006, 11:07am; Reply: 8
Wow, 6 months since the last post and it's still on the first page.  
Anyway, I finally gained the gift of time and started working on my adapted version of this into a full-length script.  Of course, because I ran into trouble with my characters, I went back to square one and am now writing a modified and lengthened treatment of this, which will hopefully be done in a week or three.  Why does it take me seven months to revise a treatment? I don't know.
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