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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Scripts / Empty House
Posted by: Don, June 16th, 2005, 2:13pm
Empty House by Julian Singleton - Short, Horror - An extremely short script about two friends who explore a violently haunted house that won't let them go. - fdr, format 8)
Posted by: dogglebe (Guest), June 16th, 2005, 2:51pm; Reply: 1
Two problems with this script (and the first is extremely easy to fix).
First, you shouldn't post a script here in Final Draft. Not everyone has thtis software and, without it, you can't open it and read it. Save the file as a .rtf file and resubmit it.
Second, (spoilers ahead), it was too short with no development whatsoever. Two kids go into a haunted house. They get chased by an evil. They die. The end. There was no character development and no suspense.
Rewrite this story. Make it atleast twenty-five pages long (yes, I said twenty-five). But don't just make the chase longer. Delve into the background of Dave and Gary. Go into the history of the house. Explain John a little bit. Build some suspense.
Phil
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