Forgive Me Father by Teegee Alakpa - Short, Drama - About a community nurse who becomes aquianted with his first patient and has troubles dealing with his past. 35 pages - doc, format 8)

This is a pretty good script... A few errors here and there... But other than that you are A ok... I'll give you a 3.5./5... Great job and keep the scripts coming...

Hi Teegee, I read a few pages of your script. Some comments:

1)"SCENE ONE EXT.REBECCA’S HOUSE – 9:00 AM (DAY)"
Don´t use time in sluglines. When you watch a scene in a film, you can´t tell wich time is it, you just know if it is day or night. If it is *really* important to make clear what time is it, make one of the characters to have a look at his/her watch. In sluglines, just use "DAY" or "NIGHT".

2)"Obika knocks on the front door. He is a community nurse, twenty seven years old and a graduate from Nigeria. He is on his first day at work."
There is no way to show this on screen. How could the camera record that Obika is on his first day at work? A script is about things we can see or hear, so you must move the plot forward with action and dialogue (i.e. Obika telling a workmate that he is nervous because it´s hir first day at work). If you can´t show it, leave it. There are lot of examples like this in your script, but I guess you get the idea. Lot of rewriting is needed.

3)
"LADY
Ah yes! Please come in.

Obika enters the house. The lady closes the door behind her.

she has been feeling under the weather for a few days but today she feels a bit better. This way…"

You can´t write dialogue without puting the name of the character speaking, above.

Try this:

"LADY
Ah yes! Please come in.

Obika enters the house. The lady closes the door behind her.

LADY (CONT´D)
She has been feeling under the weather for a few days but today she feels a bit better. This way…"

I hope these comments help you to come up with a better draft. Good luck.